Still learning the ropes and no not those kind

Dating when you are single is so much simpler.  If you do something it only affects you, and potentially your partner.  When you enter the lifestyle, the major difference is that you have to think for yourself along with your partner.  Now add another level which is more couples and you can see how it can become very complicated.

This is how things can easily get out of sync, which happened recently.  I am not going to go into details since it is a private matter.  It does point out how you think everyone is aware and in sync and then after seeing how it wasn’t.  I have brought up communication numerous times on my blog.  And I will bring it up again, since it’s one major key to the lifestyle in making it work.

No matter how much you assume someone knows, there is the risk that they don’t.  So with that said I am going to outline what I have come up with now regarding larger group of people.  First and foremost, convey what you are going to do with another persons spouse, regardless of what they are doing.  This is not like I am dancing and grinding behind her but more the physical aspects of the lifestyle if we go off and play.  Everyone at the club can be doing something different, and in different states so making sure that the spouses are aware of at least what is happening.  This will not always be easy, but it is something that needs to happen.

Communication between partners is so important.  It allows them to know what they are thinking, and also if there could be potential issues.  Most groups have limits in place, and they need to be respected.  As I have stated in other blog posts couples have their guidelines that they follow.  The beauty of the lifestyle is that each couple has their own set of rules.  There is no guide book, or manual to follow.  You make up the rules and boundaries as a couple and then follow them.  If you don’t communicate during any group play then you run the risk of something happening that may surprise the other partner.  Now I am not saying you have to give your partner a constant chatter, but you get the idea.  No surprises creates no drama.  Drama is one of the biggest mood killers along with potentially ruining future friendships.

Having this on my mind since it happened has taken a bit of a toll.  I don’t like having someone feeling left out, and worse I don’t want it to ruin friendships that we have made.  True friends are hard to find, even more so in the lifestyle.  Having a group that works well together, plays well and can lead to additional fun is something that Krystalla and myself have looked for.  It is not like we all get together and then get naked.  We hang out, drink and chat.  Play games and if by chance we fall into bed great, but it is not a mandate for anyone.

And lately it has been asked a few times by different woman that this is a lot of work.  It is, more so then you would think. Making sure everyone is on the same page is something that takes effort.  Like most things though the effort you put in also creates the pay-offs later.  We have a strong group of friends, and ensuring that we do not break their trust or respect is very important to me.  I am glad that this situation was aired out.  Now that I can evaluate so that I can make sure it can’t happen again I feel better.  Like I said, not dating for one any more which adds more complexity to it.  And because of this situation it has allowed me to adjust rules that we have in place but also make sure we have rules for larger groups as well.  No one is perfect but I do strive to make sure everyone has fun with NO DRAMA.