Dutch Money

One of the biggest things for me of late is going out. With limited funds I find it hard to justify going out on a date. I can’t afford dinner, drinks or movies so coffee has been the default option.  This also compounds trying to meet new people.  Not having funds makes it hard to go out.  One thing that I hate to do is ask the woman if we are going dutch.  Old habits from when I was younger since the man was expected to pay.

Now my running joke, and still is, is that we were paying for sex.  Dinner, movie or any other activity adds up.  Not that I got laid every time I went out.  So it became very expensive.  Paying for the woman since they expect it makes it pretty hard to question since I didn’t want to insult her. Old habits are hard to break and most of the women I have met are closer to my age. Fast forward to now and I still feel that is what is expected.

You also have to understand I don’t like asking for money.  Never have been good at it.  One reason why I sucked at sales.  Regardless coffee is something that is not to bad.  Just not Second Cup, still don’t understand the cost for hot flavored water over $5. So coffee is something that I could buy just not on a regular basis.

So the question is do the ladies expect to have dinner or such bought for them?  Being older I wouldn’t think so, and with some women they also might think that something is expected.  I do not want the woman thinking I am dishing all this money out and expect something after. Although ironically some of the dates it is to see if we are compatible.  So I don’t think the woman would mind if something did happen. It is a subject that I find uncomfortable. Don’t get me wrong if I have money I always try to pay for the woman. And I don’t expect anything in return.

And I also don’t like to owe money. Another old habit from my younger days. When I was younger I always got suckered in to doing favours because of things that were done for me. So owing anyone is something I really try to avoid.  To be fair I understand that it is not expected from our close friends, but it does weigh on my mind.

So after all this rambling I leave it to anyone who reads this post. What is your thoughts on going Dutch? Do you pay for the woman? As a woman do you expect to get everything paid for? And if you do is there any feeling that you owe something back?

Feel free to post in comments. Or contact me directly if you are to shy and I will post on behalf.

4 thoughts on “Dutch Money”

  1. I’ve been told by my friends that I go about dating wrong. I’m told that the man should pay for the first coffee date, unless I arrive first, in which case I might buy my drink before he even arrives. However, I can’t remember the last first date I went on for which I didn’t either go dutch or at least cover tip. I’ve got my own wallet, don’t need his. And yes, I feel like if he pays for a first date, then a second may be expected. So I prefer a simple, inexpensive first date and covering my own tab.

    Second date, now it depends on the event and who planned it. If he wants to do something more expensive, then he pays. If I plan it, then chances are it’s going to be something I can afford for two.

  2. If I am going out on a date with someone who is friend with or without benefits, I have figured out that I have the money to pay for myself. I don’t like when the other person pays for me, albeit I do appreciate the gesture, but it does leave me very uncomfortable. Like you said, it does make me feel like I owe them something and that I better dish it out. I don’t want/need that pressure.

    Thank you for this post.

  3. On a first meet or fate especially I will always go dutch and pay my portion. If I’m going out with someone I’ve been with for a while, it sometimes ends up that one pays one day, and the other does the next. Either way, I sure don’t expect for my date to pay for everything.

    Though, as Violet Eyes said here, if he plans something more elaborate, then he would pay, and I would offer to cover what I can.

  4. So having been in this situation on a regular, and knowing how tough most people our age have it, I always offer to pay my share, if the other person has kids, house, whatever, even if they don’t, if I want to be out and drink and eat I always offer, sometimes even get the whole check.. we r in a new time and along with equality or equity, however you say it is responsibility for your choices, we all have choices and this one is easy….

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