Transparency

One thing that I have thought humorous over past the years is “the number”.  Telling a guy friend that I am seeing 5 girls at once they pretty much give you a high-five.  Response from a woman is not the same.  Most times there is a long pause.  Then lots of questions.

I do not hide that I am married.  That is usually the first thing that a woman gets defensive about.  The second is that I have other girls as friends.  Some intimate but really not a regular thing.  Funny thing is men hear that and can’t understand why I would do that.  Why would you want to have all these women and not have sex with them.  The women react similar to a degree, but seem to understand better once I explain it.

All the girls I have talked to I go in with the opinion of talking first and becoming friends.  First my life is busy and I can’t just do everything.  Secondly I need to know the woman.  Understand them and have a connection.  Sure if I was younger I wouldn’t care as much but being older I enjoy the conversation.  Connection had become more relevant of recent and with that I have friends first philosophy.  If by chance things progress to the bedroom then that is great.

The funny thing is that a number, when asked how many I am seeing, always gets a different response.  Some become more inquisitive.  Others start to wonder how serious I really am.  And some others don’t even care.  Regardless I have a few friends, that by chance I might have sex with, but more regularly I am just chatting with.  This is not to brag, or show how great I am.  I am doing this to outline the relationships that I have built.  I have put this in alphabetical order.  I bet a few of them who read the blog just took a deep breath, wondering what I am going to say.  Don’t worry, I don’t know yet either.  Names have been randomly generated to protect their identities.

Katelin 

The easiest one to describe is my long friend.  We dated back in high school, and a bit during my college years.  Things fell apart for whatever reason, and some years later we reconnected.  Funny story, when she reached out to me on Facebook I first told my wife immediately.  This was before we opened up our relationship. She didn’t care, and they actually became good friends.  By the way, never have two girls that you know you so well in the same room.  You can’t get away with anything.

We only see each other on rare occasions, and sex is just as rare.  Family and work is the main reasons, plus she is not close by so not like I can just hop over to see her.  I care for her a lot, and we talk on a semi regular basis.  She has been through a lot with divorce and being a single mom.  Supporting her on all her decisions has been a challenge some days, but I still care for her and want the best for her.

Corinne

My second longest friend, we have known each other for over 2 and 1/2 years.  We meet through a mutual friend and have been talking and going out for coffee dates since.  She is easy to talk to and the hours we spend talking over coffee has been always enjoyable.  Surprising how the time goes by so fast when we get together for coffee.  Discussing family, life and the lifestyle.  Most of the women I talk to have similar concerns although with Corinne we just seem so relax and easy to talk too.  We have had been together one evening of fun which took almost two years.  Mostly due to timing, but it was an amazing night.  Our talks have always been entertaining and I look forward to our coffee dates when we can get out for them.  As always family is busy so getting out together has not been an easy avenue.

Scarlett 

Being the closest distance of all the friends we hit it off right from the start.  Our connection was strong from the beginning and has not wavered much over the time that we have known each other.  We have been together a few times for sex, although she has also had some exclusive boyfriends over the time we have known each other.  The adjustment of being available and then exclusive was something that I wasn’t use to.  This new dynamic was something I had to adjust too.  Talking about her relationships and dating has given me insight to her more each time.  Dating has always been complicated, but hearing from a woman’s point of view is interesting.  Krystalla never dated, although has done so more now, but it is interesting comparing the differences.  Every new relationship she enters I have supported her in the hopes it works out.  Hopefully she will find the one, but I will always be there for her during her search for whatever she needs from me.

Ivy 

My blog is not that popular.  It really isn’t (I check the numbers weekly) so when I have a follower on twitter reading and commenting on the articles I got curious.  Tweeting to each other and then direct messaging allowed me to get to know her better.  I know she was interested from the beginning, she really didn’t hide it that well.  She is easy to talk to and is curious about the lifestyle.  Much like my other friends, her home life is busy and not easy to get away.  We have been together a few times, and she even came to help me while I was laid up with my knee being injured.  She is also my oldest by age and it is nice to actually be younger for a change(I don’t get to say that often, being the young one).  I have to say she is the one that is closest in traits of my poly wife in some areas.  The other area she has made me more aware of is the LGBT.  Discussing this has made more aware of their issues since she very active in supporting those issues.

Lilly

I had no idea that I would meet someone on my travels the couple of weeks when I traveled to the United States for business.  It was an unexpected find, and it was by luck that we even started talking.  She almost didn’t respond to my message, but I am glad she did.  Learning her history, and understanding that she has trust issues I was very cautious.  Not wanting to offend her was my biggest fear.  Those few days together made my trip the most memorable one.  Unknown to me she also made secret plans to visit for my birthday.  Still don’t know how she manage this along with my wife in keeping it so secret.  Not surprising that my wife got along with her so well the first time they met in person.  With the distance being one of my farthest reaching friends I am a bit challenged on seeing her in person.  Hopefully timing, funds and a little luck will allow us to see each other again in person soon.

Ursula 

Sexy red-head who I have seen only a couple of times.  We have talked for over a year, although I would have to go through my tweets to try to establish a timeline.  She is personable, compassionate and sincere and I enjoy chatting with her.  We don’t chat as much as we could, but she has a busy life-like we all do so we make good the time that we do chat. Family life is complicated as well and we have talked in length about it.  Much like the other women, I seem to be a sounding board to issues.  Distance is also a factor here, and with family responsibilities getting free is not something she can do easily.  I hope to see her again soon, last time was over six months ago so I think we are going to reconnect soon.

As I mentioned in the beginning perception is that I am not out fucking all the time.  Honestly I don’t think my body would survive that, women have a very insatiable appetite for sex.  Plus I have my wife that I also need to ensure is satisfied.  And when I see my poly wife that is also another relationship I am involved with.  There is no easy way to say it, but I am sucker for punishment.  With all these relationships I am wonder I haven’t gone insane.

A few of the girls have actually asked how many I am talking to when we chatting.  I tell them honestly, and they are surprised on how I can juggle so many conversations.  Most of the time it is about a problem or issue.  We don’t sext very often, and to be fair since I see some of them rarely it would be a big tease (that is not a hint :P).  The number of relationships that I have built has made me more aware of common issues with marriage, single and divorced couples.  At some point I will have to go over those thoughts and write them down.

And yes I love it.  I enjoy every single one, and regardless on what other people think I don’t care.  I don’t abuse any of them, they all are aware that I have other girls.  Granted I have laid out all of the ones that I talk to regularly and have been with here.  There have been a few that I don’t talk to anymore that are not listed here.  For whatever reason it just didn’t work.  Connection is important and if it is not there then no matter how much I want it to work you can’t force it.

One other thing that is funny, that while in Cuba it came up about our relationships.  I mentioned I had a few FWB and the one lady called me greedy. I laughed at this, and still do.  Greedy?  I enjoy talking to women.  Helping when I can and if this happens to involve having sex who am I to argue.  Wouldn’t you want the same?