The Safe Zone sucks

Girls are unique creatures.  They like to have nights where they are not hounded by guys.  Even at work they like to be able to relax.  When a girl knows you are married or taken they are personable and more friendly because you are safe.  When you are able to fuck another woman because you are in the lifestyle, but the girl doesn’t know,  it gets complicated.  You want to tell her but you don’t know how.  You also don’t want to offend her.  This becomes a question if I want to risk the Friend Zone.

The Friend Zone is a black hole where men are put by woman since they want to keep them safe.  Not to sound like it is a bad thing but it is basically a “Do not touch” and “Off limits”.  The woman feels safe and secure and doesn’t want to cross that line.  This usually means that there is some type of attraction which could be mental or physical.  All that the woman knows that the Friend Zone is safe and that is very important.  It allows them to act and not have to worry about fighting of a guy since he thinks he has a chance.

Every guy hates this zone. Mostly because you rarely get out of friend zone. It is an up hill battle, both ways, barefoot.  The argument always seems that they don’t want things to change between us. The safety net that nothing will happen to majority of woman is relaxing.  If this safety net is removed than that opens up other things that could make the woman uncomfortable.  Getting out of the friend zone is near impossible, I have tried multitudes of times with little success.

As a guy we don’t have friend zones.  We have will I, maybe, and damn right.  Well not really but we do have a no way in hell category which for most men contains a very, very small collection of woman.  Not to say it couldn’t change, but the no way in hell usually means that they can’t for a specific reason.  An example is like it is the guys sister, or relative, ex girlfriend.  The reason is usually a hard stop and can’t not be ignored.  There can also be ones that just don’t attract the guy.  To be fair, unless the guy is shallow this is very small as well.

For me I have been “friends” with lots of woman.  Unfortunately I am blind to being hit on or signals that they are interested.  Sorry but I was never chased when I was  younger.  I always chased the woman, which I become proficient at after high school.  It was all my friends around me who were chased.  When I was watching my friends getting the action it was obvious to me, but for me I just didn’t see it since it rarely happened.  The movies where the kid is blind to the woman hitting on them, I can’t watch them.  I was that kid that was blind to it.

So what can a man do about the friend zone?  I really don’t see a lot of options since the woman holds all the cards.  If she is determine to have you in the friend zone than you are going to be stuck there.  Nothing you can do about it.  If you want more than that the only option is to communicate it, clearly.  No beating around the bush or dropping hints.  And yes this could cause other issues but it comes down to what you want and the risk you will take to get there.

I know of a few woman that have liked me and didn’t tell me until it was too late.  I kept wonder why they didn’t speak up earlier?  And there was no flirting at all during this whole time.  It was just “Oh I liked you from the beginning, here is my number,” as I packed up from my two years from college.  REALLY?!  You tell me this now as I am leaving the area?  Sounds like you weren’t that interested in me than.

Another one was after knowing her for number of years.  One day, driving her to some place and she asks “Why haven’t we slept together,” to which I responded, “You always had a boyfriend and never been free.”  Of course looking back at it now when she asked that question she was single.  Dumb me it was an open invitation but I didn’t clue in.  I thought I was just friends since she never made any advancement on me.

So the friend zone is a bitch, pure and simple.  It is the kiss of death to almost any possible relationship since it causes a stalemate.  The man is trapped and unsure if he can mention the subject and the woman is happy to have what they have and don’t want to change it.  Unless someone opens up and communicates their thoughts and feelings than that status will never change and a possible relationship will never be known.  Worst case if the woman is not clear about the intentions of changing the status, than the man like me, may be blind to it since they have been in the friend zone for too long.

I understand the need for woman to feel safe.  One reason my wife and girlfriend love to going to the swingers club.  No judgement and and respectful atmosphere.  Simple relaxed fun with everyone watching the dance floor.  This is allowed and encourage at these clubs.  Try this at your local bar staring at a hot girl who is taken and most chances you will end up with her partner in your face looking for a fight.  Granted the “Friend Zone” at the club is non-existent because of the respect required at these events.  Well plus there is the possibility that you could hook up that night.  What I am trying to get across is that woman do not want to be hounded when they are out having fun most of the time.  Respect is key and with that you are more than likely to find someone who is interested more that having you in the Friend Zone.

So why can’t we have this with our friends, trust and respect.  Why do we have to put the men into a container far out at sea to be safe?  Yes most men are pigs and selfish, heck reading some of the new guys hitting on my wife on the dating site makes me wonder how we breed at all.  Seriously, most men can accept the fact that the if we respect the woman than the Friend Zone may not exist and a relationship can progress from there.  To me the Friend Zone is the beginning of the kiss of death to any possible relationship since you have now isolated the man.  Worst he doesn’t even now how to approach the subject on changing it because if done wrong it usually causes problems with the friendship.

I am no expert regarding relationships, dating, or even the lifestyle but observing over the years has let me believe a key point.  All rules have exceptions but the common theme is men will always hit on a woman if they are interested.  Woman rarely hit on the man if they are interested.  This unbalance lopsided approach is why both sides get confused.  Add in the friend zone and now you have made the man unable to even approach the woman to discuss anything beyond friendship as an option.

The Friend Zone will never go away.  It will always be around since us horny men just can’t control ourselves.  Maybe one day we will understand and respect the woman enough that they don’t feel the need to have this black hole, but for now it is here to stay.  All that us men ask is that the Friend Zone not be permanent and if you horny woman feel that it could change, than take that leap.  You never know, you might get more out of it than you expect.  Your friendship could change to a relationship.

Now keep in mind that this is completely from a man’s point of view.  Us men have been known to be wrong, on a rare occasion.  If any woman wants to share their thoughts about the Friend Zone please feel free to comment below.