Scream from the roof tops

So I bet when you read that title you were thinking something dirty.  Like having your partner on the roof and giving it to you as your whole neighbourhood watched.  Well that is not the case although that does give me some dirty thoughts 😉  Plus I don’t think it would be the safest place to have sex, but than again I have heard of same crazy places lately.

There is no easy way to know if anyone is a swinger or open relationship.  One reason why the dating/hook-up sites are so popular  since the lifestyle is not really mainstream and frowned upon by majority you can’t just have the label out there.  Resentment from friends and family could be harmful since we know we have a few friends who wouldn’t appreciate what we do.  We are not here to hurt anyone or make anyone uncomfortable.  We are doing this because we enjoy the lifestyle and because of it we have grown stronger and closer.

Lately though it has been very frustrating.  Well okay not really lately but more over the past year or so.  Why?  Well having to hide this part of my life makes me feel awkward.  Going out with friends who have no idea and I have to hide my tendencies and actions.  My blog was suspended recently and I had to start up a whole new site, but couldn’t tell anyone what I was doing since it would than expose my lifestyle as well.  So much like other minorities where they hide a part of themselves it can get frustrating.  We have been doing this for almost three years now and only a few friends know the truth about the lifestyle and our quad.  Well excluding twitter. 🙂

Not to mention that woman, as much as I have seen numerous cheating wives on some dating sites, don’t seem to like the idea of open relationships.  You would think that a no strings attach (NSA) relationship would make things more tempting.  Apparently not, since the only two woman that I have met online both were interested in the lifestyle and asked lots of questions.  One is now in a exclusive relationship which I think is great and the other has not sent me a text since we me for coffee.  Everyone other one that happens onto my profile I swear is running away screaming.  I think more because the lifestyle is not something they understand.  Well also since most woman don’t like the idea of sharing either, or want more a commitment.

My mind is now wondering, as I look at every couple out in public, if they swing?  Even recently I was wondering if a couple we just met swing.  There is no way to tell from looking and talking with them it is not something easily communicated.  Not like we have a code word or something.  So it leaves me guessing, pondering and trying to formalize a way to make it easy to have someone say “yes, we swing and we are interested in discussing it further.”  Wow, that sounds to formal, maybe I need to make it more… ah sexy?  “Sure you can have my wife if I can have yours bent over that couch right there?”  Yes that sounds better.

There is a small minority that are aware of the black ring that states that you are in a sharing relationship (google it).  Sharing because it could mean swinging or open relationship.  Having a black ring on the right hand but not on the middle finger (means something very different) states that you are open to discuss.  So far I have seen no other couple show this ring, outside of ourselves.  As you can see it has not really caught on so it is something that I think is a rarity.

Maybe we need a code word.  Something that opens up the conversation but not something that could offend or expose what we are attempting to ask.  There must be something that could be say that you are in the lifestyle that would make your ears perk up, take notice and even engage in conversation.  Honestly, I am to the point of going on to the roof and shouting it out that we are swingers and looking for fun.  Even considering posting where I live on social media to see if there is anyone else that is in the same boat.  Honestly, I am tired of trying to find like minded couples or heck even singles.  It is exhausting, and with little success (btw woman have it a bit easier) it can get your confidence right down as well.

Now of course you are saying “go to a club,” and I agree that is an option.  My problem is that I have never enjoyed clubs that much.  When I was younger sure it was the place to go and try to hook up, but as I got older it became a spot where I was jumped and attacked.  On top of it I don’t think I can really be that aggressive at a club.  I am aggressive when in bed alone with a woman, but in group play or trying to pick a woman up I am can be slow and patient.  Not really what woman want most of the time.  Having an interested party would make it easier to see if we gel and would work.

With that said I am going to a club very soon.  The quad wants to go and I can not say no to the quad.  Plus the woman enjoy it.  It is safe, they can be stared at (and I can stare too) since it is expected.  It would be a theme night as well so it could be interesting to see who is out.  Normally I state that it is not a play night but with circumstance for that evening I am going to eliminate that rule for the group.  Not likely that I will play but you never know things could change.  I can enjoy myself staring at the hot chicks while my wife gets pounded in the play room, I have no problem with that.  Sharing is caring ya know.

Back to the question at hand, there has to be an easy way to know if someone is open to the lifestyle.  Really can’t go to the husband and say “Your wife is hot, do you mind if I sample her?”  I will have to go over some of those thoughts tonight while I am working all night again (hopefully won’t be to late.  Maybe if some local hottie wants to stop by and give me a blow job, yes I am dreaming) maybe I can come up with some slang and indirect way of asking.  The other issue how do you test it?  Ah well one thing at a time.