Respect is expected by the woman

For those of you that know me I am a very respectful and patient man.  I always respect the woman’s wishes and because of that I have usually missed golden opportunities.  This was not always the case when I was younger, and just after my college years I went through a selfish phase.  Mostly because of failed relationships, I became the hunter looking for any woman I can fuck.  

This sounds bad, and back then I was.  I fucked woman any way I could.  Not taking into any consideration on how I got what I wanted, I just took.  It was wrong but back then I was exploring as well, to a degree.  Dominate and controlling which I didn’t realize until I reflected back on my younger days over past few years.  Even my wife said she wouldn’t have wanted to know me back then.  Fully understand why, and because of those experiences I have become, in my opinion, a more passionate, respectful lover.  One quick addition to this, I only planned to fuck my wife and not marry her.  I was still in the tail end of this phase when we met.

My wives have asked my why I am not like that now.  Wanting to understand what changed and if it will ever by like down in the road.  There are a few factors towards that.  One being that my wife was new to sex when we dated and was not experienced.  Things I tried with her then, she rejected so I closed of that part of my life.  Over the past three years I have started to bring that back, although at a very limited pace.  Why?  Let me explain a situation that no one knows, including my wife.

During my college days I was out for pussy.  Didn’t have any restrictions, as long as I could get laid. One evening I was at the local watering hole and chatting up with some friends.  One of them was someone I figured I could fuck, so I targeted her.  I worked my charm and she was flirty a bit but not that forth coming.  At the end of the evening she needed a ride home so I offered my services.  She accepted and off we went.

She lived with her parents in an apartment building.  Arriving at the front doors I leaned over to kiss her.  We tongue wrestled a bit and my hands started to grope her.  She resisted a bit but I continued.  Eventually I got her pants undone and my hand played with her pussy.  She still was resisting but I continued.  Forcing myself on her in the hopes she would get to the point of wanting to fuck.  I continued this for a period of time until her parents made it clear she was to come inside from the balcony.

She hastily left and I sat there, finger covered in pussy juice and a rock hard dick.  It was then then I realized I came very close to crossing the line.  I have lied to get laid but never forced myself onto a woman.  This is where I realized what I did wrong.  That I can’t assume that having a finger inside a pussy will make a woman want more.  I was forcing myself onto a woman who didn’t want to do what I wanted.  I felt very guilty, dirty and humiliated that evening.  It is because of this one experience that I realised that woman make the decision.  In no way a man controls if his dick is going into a pussy.

There was times that I did have sex for myself and not the woman.  Fucking till I cummed and then that was it.  We can all get that way at times.  Not a common thing for me now a days.  In all fairness and because of that episode I move very slow with woman.  I do not want to have that feeling again of forcing myself on a woman.  This doesn’t mean I don’t want to be in control, or dominant, but it does mean that I want to make sure the woman is wanting what I am offering.  If the woman suggest something I will listen, along with things that are off limits.  It also has to be something that I am comfortable with, and with that I am trying to new things to see where my limits are.

Coming around to be more my old self is something I have been battling for a long time now.  Recently came home from a two week trip.  My wife was told that if I have an opportunity then I will take it.  Within four days, and very tired from working 14 hours a day, my old self started to come back.  Alone, with no one to really directly control me I started to fall into old habits.  I will write more about my experiences down here in the coming weeks, but it was then that I realized one simple thing.  When I was younger I was single, free with no one to dictate how I should act.  Being now married and also poly with another couple there are rules.  Expectations.   This is where I am adjusting.  Sorting out feelings, thoughts and actions that do not impact my situation with both my wife, our couple and my fwb.  Truly a very delicate balancing act some days.

This topic has been on my mind for a long time.  It has more relevant now.  Over the next few weeks I will be posting more on my thoughts and feelings regarding what I learnt while being away.