Reflection and moving foward

It is funny how time passes.  The holidays were here and gone.  It went by quickly and even though we didn’t do anything to involved it still flew by.  Now it’s 2016 and the new year has started.  I begin my new job in a few weeks, although I suspect I will be doing training sooner.  Looking forward to the overdue change.  The past year has been tough.  New relationships, loss, frustration and being overwhelmed has been something I am not used too.  I was injured as well and took me out of the gym, which was a routine I sorely miss.

Looking back I think 2015 will be a year that was not about growth but about overcoming.  I had to overcome a lot this past year.  Work, family, and relationships have all come to a head this past year and it took a lot out of me to get through it all.  As we are supposed to tell out spouses everything I feel that I am still hiding in the corner and they are growing.  This is great for them, but for me I am starting to realize how simple I am in most aspects of sex.  Nothing wrong with that either.  Just something that is starting to me make me feel that I am not fully involved.  We had company over for New Years Eve and it is something to watch all the kink talk.  It didn’t do anything for me so I was completely alone during this conversation.  I understand it, which is good.  Just not something that I don’t get off on talking about since I can never do it to a woman.  Of course this is the more extreme with having my wife’s poly husband being a sadist.

This leaves me with a few things that I am looking forward to this year.  My new job for one.  It should challenge me and give me some direction that I haven’t had in sometime.  Secondly is my exercicse program.  I can’t afford the gym right now so I have been working on how I will be working out.  I need to drop the weight after my accident.  If I can do that till I have the funds to do the jiu jitsu again that will help a lot.  Third is the women in my life.  They are important to me and working out how to see them and making time for them is something that I need to focus on as well.  I feel bad about not being able to be free all the time.  Just have to figure out how to balance time with them.  To not feel that I am ignoring them.  And to spend time with them both in the physical and non physical means.

2016 will be a great year.  Positive that the changes that I have gone through in 2015 has made me stronger.  It will be a year of change.  Growth.  Learning from the past year and taking that knowledge to grow and become more of who I really am.  Who is that?  With all the changes from 2015 I feel that I am going to find out more about that.