Not right now

One thing that happens is the word “no” . It is not meant as an insult. Or even a rejection. Most times it is situational. Not right time of the month, to fast, or maybe just uncomfortable. There a multitude of reasons for the word to be said. The one factor is that it is respected.

Respect your partner and spouses. Very important since there are times that things go to fast. And yes I have turned down sex. When I was younger as well as in group play. Not a common occurrence but it does happen.  The issue is don’t take offence to it. Don’t pressure the situation or ask for details as to why. The reason maybe personal and not wanting to be discussed at the exact time. Doesn’t mean it won’t come up in conversation later. Just respect the person and understand it is not you.

The world of kink uses other terms. Usually words that warn on threshold. Red, yellow and usually another colour depict the stop level. As much as a dom might be the one controlling the scene it is the sub who controls the outcome. There level of comfort, sensation, and pain depict how far they can go.  I don’t mean that this should be used for everyone in regular sex. Saying the usually “harder” or “don’t stop” is just as effective. The difference is that when in kink begging can be a part of it so using the keywords allows the Dom to understand when it is a real request.

Just because a woman stops what is happening is no insult to either of you. I have one lady that at some point will hook up and we have discussed in length about the sex. And we also discussed the word no since if she becomes uncomfortable she wants it to stop.  I fully respect that and appreciate that we have discussed what the concerns are.

I have had this happen to me recently. Unknown to me I was to rough and when the partner was saying no I didn’t hear. We talked about it a a few days later and we qualified what she expects. She also covered what happened and why it was not enjoyable. She had a hard time starting the conversation but once we got talking it all came out. I was happy she told me and even as I apologize over and over she understood it was an accident. It was not intentional.  And sex later that night was great.  Like when you are first dating someone you need to understand their needs in their bedroom.  Just because your old partner was more kinky or could tolerate pain more doesn’t mean the new girl you are with can do the same.

In group play there is bound to be some issues to come up.  If things are not fully discussed than most likely this is where you will get told no.  It is not a rejection.  When I said no to sex with the one couple we saw it was for a few reasons.  Primarily it was our first time meeting them and we ended up naked so quickly.  The no was more, not now, later.  I am glad we did that since after the meeting things did fall apart and I don’t know how they would have felt if we did have sex that night.  I rejected the option to protect ourselves along with the couple.  Full intentions of fucking later, just not at that time.

You can try to mitigate the potential of having the partner say no.  You may want to confirm any questions you have. As I have stated before communication is key. Understanding your partners limits, needs along with expectations makes the play time more enjoyable. No surprises. Unless of course you doing an activity that has that then we’ll go ahead. Just ensure you both are on same page. More often than not you might assume something and this is where things get uncomfortable.  This is where the activity could be stopped.

Talk it out with the partner or couple when you have a chance if this happens.  This usually means that you didn’t clearly communicate before you proceeded to the bedroom.  Now that you are aware that something wasn’t right you can discuss and figure out what boundaries might have been crossed.  As much as I feel I repeat myself communication is so important.  Without it you will have drama and problems all the time, so keep up the talking.  Discuss everything regarding fantasies, wants, and needs.  What you will and will not do.  Get it out in the open with your partner or couple.  You might be surprised and find out similar thoughts from them too.