Little lost

There is always a cycle of ups and downs in our lives.  I am going through an extended downward spiral.  Not by choice but by circumstance.

Maybe because I am burying my grandfather this weekend.  Maybe cause I have had majority of my fwb go off the market.  Maybe since I haven’t meet anyone new in months.  Add on family and work and it seems to have hit critical mass. 

I really try to avoid sounding depressed with my posts.  I don’t like to be like this and I really prefer to write about fun stuff.  Of late though the lifestyle has not provided me much to write about.  No new topics or experiences.  Realizing that I am not kinky as well has made myself feel isolated.

And with no new women in so long it also has left me a little desperate.  Don’t like that feeling.  Sure I could do some random girl but it wouldn’t only fuel that fire more.  This I do know my from younger days.  Oh wait.  Would have to have some random woman to fuck.  Slight dilemma.

Now of course you are thinking “But Gunnar you have two wives,  girlfriend in Chicago and a couple of girls that you can see still in the bedroom, ” and you aren’t wrong.  I still chat with a few other special ladies that are off the market.  Even had an overdue coffee date with one of them recently.  I treasure that time but still leaves me restless.

I am not looking for pity party.  For me I need to express it in words.  Easiest place to do this is here.  I don’t need to burden my friends and family with it.  They can’t fix it.  I know they care but nothing that they can do for me.  And answering questions about it would only get me more frustrated and angry.   This is my hurdle to jump over.  It will happen just won’t be happening soon.

Have a strong sense on what Krystalla feels when she is unable to get her cravings fulfilled.  She needs her release with kink and has limited options for that to happen on a regular bases.  Something I also can’t help her with.  Weighs on me as well.

Looking forward I see things as status quo.  I hate the dating sites.  Worse than being at a bar and the ratio of guys to girls is extreme.  Plus being ignored after sending messages really bugs me. Trying to stand out and being polite isn’t working.  So do I go to the other extreme.  Not really in me to do.  So status quo.

And burying myself in other distractions is not working like it used to.  The podcasting is going well.  Back on track I hope.  Might be doing another show but we shall see.  Has a lot of variables not sorted out.  If that does happen it might give me another outlet on being myself.

Which is the next biggest hurdle.  I am tired of having to hide it all.  I can’t say what I did recently to anyone since they would ask questions.  Sure can do high level but it still feels like I am hiding.  Recently told my mother and that went over as expected.  Accepted but doesn’t want to know anything.

The one thing that has remained constant is that men looking for woman, either as single or couple doesn’t work well.  The effort put in doesn’t equal the end result.  Majority of all the people that we meet has been through Krystalla.  Not one couple has worked out with us when I have found them.  And Krystalla has no interest in couples for sometime now so being solo you would think it is easier.  It isn’t.  Dating for two is complicated and it appears being at my age and hunting is still complicated.

So I will stick to my guns.  No one night stands.  Well of course if it is offered I won’t turn it down.  I just wont hunt for it.  Will have to figure out new ways on finding local woman who want to have fun.  Now that is the challenge.  And not an easy one since it has been a ten month dry spell.  Guess it is back to the dreaded dating sites.  Wish me luck.