Intense

Not the first time I have been told I am intense.  More often I am told the first little while talking to a new girl I am very intense.  The only thing that I can come up with is that the new relationship energy (NRE) is so high that it is like a drug.  It consumes you.  Takes over your world and you can’t get enough of it.  Like any drug it wears off.  The problem is that there is no time frame and everyone is different.

Combine that with a woman you have known back in my younger days and it is amplified.  Earlier this week I started talking to another girl from my past.  It started off normal.  Chit chatting and just talking.  Somehow it crossed into the lifestyle.  She and her husband have been discussing it.  This is where things changed.  The drug kicked in, the sexting started and it took off.  Three days of this and I was flying high.  For the few people that knew they saw me smiling and being giddy again.  I haven’t had anything like this in over fourteen months.  Been in a dry spell.

Answering questions and letting Krystalla join in helped.  Everyone was aware of each other and open communication was happening.  It was moving fast, but that is not something that I can control.   The drug takes over.  Then there is the truly open communication.  One that any new couple are surprised when it happens.  They thought they were open, but it wasn’t till a few days into this that they realized they haven’t talked about everything.  Happy that this happened.  It shows them opening up more and understanding more about each other.

Talking to her I explained that open communication is great.  Telling your partner everything is open.  The only thing is that fears and fantasies are usually not covered.  They make you exposed.  Can actually make you raw and expose more of yourself than you  have in the past.  If you don’t believe me think about it.  Have you every exposed your fears to your partner?  Your fantasies?  We all protect ourselves from being exposed.  Second nature from growing up.  It is not normal and it is this that really helps make your relationship with your partner move forward and be stronger.

This usually leads to the second conversation which can happen at any point.  This is where they come to an understanding on what they want.  How they feel about each other and what they can handle.  These are intense.  Usually tears and frustration.  All in how they process and communicate.

Unfortunately this also lead to the understanding on how connected I am to this woman.  Neither of us can explain it.  We have intertwined in each other’s lives before I settled down.  This was the first time we actually talked in length from so long ago.  It was intense at times with causal and relaxing banter throughout those days.  The attraction was real.   We actually talked at length on the phone last night.  This lead to them having the second discussion.

Resolution is that I am now blocked from all communication.  Funny that when we first dated, she left me to see another man.  I was hurt, but for some odd reason it really didn’t affect me.  This time it does hurt a bit.  Granted it was decided by them at 1:30 am, and I was sleeping, but still I wanted to say good bye at least.  Apologize too.  This whole process is intense.  Emotions that you didn’t realize can flare up.  Fears as well.

And the high is gone.  The drug that I have been riding for past three days has dissipated.  I will cherish the few days that we reconnected, as brief as it was.  All history has been deleted as requested.  I do have one erotica that I was writing that I might post some day.  For now it will stay with me, but maybe one day.  As for the past few days, it is in the past.  Erased but not forgotten.

For now I hope this doesn’t affect them adversely.  Knowing that they opened up more then they realized is great.  I hope they continue that moving forward.  IF they every do look at the lifestyle, I won’t be part of it but I wish them luck with their pursuit.

In short for anyone that is new to the lifestyle really think about the open communication.  Don’t keep your fears and worries behind closed doors.  And remember it will be a roller coaster ride.  Emotions will be heightened.  Energy will be up.  Just enjoy the ride, talk all the time and make sure that your partner and yourself on on the same page.  It is a crazy ride.  A ride that can take you to new places.  Or a ride that can reinforce your marriage and make it stronger.