The number of girls that I have dated and seen over the past few years is not that many. Well at least not on the fwb side of things. One reason why I enjoy meeting new women is getting to know someone. Each one is exciting and the NRE is like a drug. Even after it dissipates, the woman I have connection with is still there. Sure I could just have a one night stand, but doesn’t mean that I would or could. It would be hot, but it doesn’t offer the same experience since it is the connection that I enjoy more now. Don’t get me wrong either, I wouldn’t turn it down if it did presented itself.
What does concern me is the connection and the level that is between the woman and me. I have only a very few that I have strong feelings for. When we first opened up we had a rule in place relating to love. If the other person(s) become to a level of love then we would have to discuss and see how that relationship would proceed. This rule hasn’t really changed, outside of the fact that we have a poly relationship along with my wife and myself having another bf and gf. Complicated isn’t it? Not to mention the other friends we have both couples and singles. All with different level of feelings and emotions connecting each other. I worry when these emotions become stronger then how I feel. Concern that maybe things are not at the same place and I really don’t want any drama or someone hurt because of it.
When a woman starts to have stronger feelings for me than I do for them, I start to be a bit more wary. I have been in the situation a few times when I was single and it was awkward. Not saying that it is happening now, but it is something that I am very cautious of. I do not want to have something progress to a point that I can’t reciprocate. It is not that I don’t care for them, each one I have feelings for. I do worry that if one side is not on the same page, then we end up with a possible situation. This is where I worry about feelings getting hurt. Drama is not something that I want or look for. This is one of the situations that I am trying to ensure doesn’t happen. It is a hard balance.
Recently talking to another friend of mine and she keeps asking about the lifestyle. She is trying to understand the dynamics and how it all works. The questions she has constantly brought up is jealousy and love. How do you not fall into love or not get jealous? What happens if you do? It is two very important questions that I have been asked not by her only but by others as well when they hear about our lifestyle. It is also one the hardest ones to explain since it is not something tangible. It is emotions which you can’t see or touch but only feel. And not everyone would feel the same so this is where it gets hard to try to separate things. This is also where I will draw the line if the feelings are not mutual.
I have different levels of attention and affection with the women in my life. To be fair, I care for them all, but some I have stronger connection than others. This doesn’t mean that any other less or more, I work to keep everyone equal. What becomes an issue is when feelings become stronger on one side then what I am feeling towards them. I don’t get defensive but I do start to pull away. It has become instinctive sometimes, and I don’t even realized I am doing it. Krystalla notices it more and points it out when she is concerned. Separating from that person and make sure that I don’t go down that rabbit hole that I might not be able to get out of. Not wanting any drama and emotions is one of the major factors for creating this separation.
What is worse is that I worry if I don’t speak up that things could escalate. As much as I am open in all things, sometimes trying to tell someone that you are not at the same level can get awkward. Worse, I don’t see the women often so not something that can really be done over text. So much like everything with the women in my life timing is a factor. This is what will happen if things progres to a point that I am not comfortable with. Doesn’t mean this is happening now.
Jealously is another emotion that can be just as complicated. Not something that you can shut off. Most times it is not jealously but more envious of the situation. Much like the women that go out and have fun with another partner, including my wives, I get envious. This will never go away, and it is part of human nature. As long as you can identify why you are getting jealous, that will allow you to understand how to work through it. Like I said earlier, most time is not really jealously but envious that you are not in the same situation. I have no issues with my wife having another cock buried in her. Sure I am jealous that she is getting attention, but it because she is having that opportunity. The cock being pounding in and out of her is not the issue I worry about.
I also feel guilty when I go out and have fun and my wife is sitting home alone. Both of these feelings can be worked though as long as you identify why you are feeling that way. That is the key to understanding why so you can deal with it. Lately I haven’t had the issue since I have meet all play partners. This makes the experience easier since it is not some stranger that we only know their name. Respect from all parties is important. We are all adults here, and if we actually behave like one then most times emotional issues are reduced.
There is also the attention that I give to the fwb, wives and new opportunities. No new blood on the horizon, but there are a couple of women that I would hope to consider some type of relationship. As I mentioned below I work to create equality between all of my friends. Obviously if there is someone new my attention is more focused on that one lady, but I still ensure that the other ones are not forgotten. There has been times that I am talking to five women at once, and as much as I might curse it with my wife laughing at me, I enjoy it. The added fact is that with anyone new you get the new relationship energy (NRE) flowing and it is such a high. Addictive is another way of thinking about it. You seem to always think about the person and you can’t wait to talk to them again. Something that does wane off over time. Even though I might be on this drug doesn’t mean that everyone else disappears. It is a fine balance, one that I am fairly good at majority of the time. If not the wives will usually remind me with a good smack up side of the head.
Not everyone is equal but I try to balance everyone as best I can. Like most of my friends we can’t drop everything and just do something. Responsibility is one thing that holds myself, along with the majority of my partners including my wife, back most of the time. We have a few more years until we have some more freedom but till then we will work through the challenges that we face. For myself I don’t see any new blood for a while, since the effort it takes is extremely high and introducing another woman to my world takes a lot of effort. Not that I don’t want to do that, but I also don’t want to set expectations that can’t be met. If the woman knows my background, lifestyle and relationships they can decide if they want to pursue. I love the chase but not going to pressure or ask the woman out if there is no way it would work with our busy lives.
The other side of the coin is that the current relationships that I have are going very well. Timing has been a factor, and the past few weeks I have been stressing at work over a promotion so my head really hasn’t been on the dating scene as much. Heck even sex has dropped of some since I am just not in the mood. Hopefully this clears soon so that I can be back to my normal chatty self. We have busy lives, and the relationships that we have are important to us all. Making sure feelings and emotions do not get to out of control is an important factor along with seeing them when we can. July is going to be a very busy month with the schedule we have and I hope that we have time for everyone.
Emotions are not tangible. Can not be seen. Dealing with them is difficult, more so if they are not discussed. Luckily everyone I am involved with really try not to hide the emotions. It can be a lot of work but the reward is so worth it in the end.
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