Feeling limitations

For some of you that follow me I have a few fwb. Well if I was to count them up you would be shaking your head. Doesn’t mean I have sex all the time. We are all busy with life, family, work and friends. This is my dilemma of late on balancing the relationships. Of late there is one that has been the hardest.

She is one of my locals. And by that I mean the closest one of my fwb. We connected quickly when we were first started chatting. That carried over to sex and her meeting the quad.  We had a strong connection right from the beginning and Krystalla saw that when she met her the first time.

She then went exclusive, and I was happy for her but also sad that our bedroom time had come to an end.  We still talked but as the months went by she was busy seeing him so we didn’t talk as much as it was in the beginning.  Unfortunately this relationship didn’t last and surprisingly after it was over we ended up in bed again.  Not to long after she found another guy and went exclusive.

This now has became a cycle where she found a guy, went exclusive, and when it ends we usually end up together, although briefly. In no way do I regret our time together. I just think the shortness of her being free is what throws me.  I know I can not give her what she wants in a relationship. As much as I am happy for her when she finds her new guy it still hurts a bit. She is a great woman and I hope that guy that she is with sees that. I will still worry about her and we still talk.  We are good friends, just no option for benefits.

So this also leads into my other frustration, pleasing the fwb that I talk too. You see most don’t live close, or worst no place to meet physically. I am not in this just for sex, but it is one thing that all of them would agree that it is nice to have when we do have time to meet. Problem is reality sets in. Life, work and the list goes on.

My biggest fear is not being able to keep everyone happy. I know it is not my job but it is who I am. Probably why when I do see any of them I try to make the best with the limited time we have. If you don’t have any place to go, then well that limits options. Hence my frustration and worry that they will get tired of the talking and move on.

Guess my downfall is I want to please everyone. And with so many moving parts it seems like I am juggling with both hands and feet. Eventually things will collapse and that is my fear. I don’t want to offend or make anyone feel left out but at same time with everyone busy and schedules don’t match up it gives me limited options.

Krystalla and me talked about this recently and understands the situation. She is supportive and understands what I am going through. And for most people looking in must think I am crazy. Having women that I see on occasion to only talk and no sex, are you nuts. Perception is that with all these women I am having lots of sex.  That is not the case.  I do have lots of sex with my primary and poly wife.  The fwb is just a bonus if and when it does happen.

Don’t get me wrong, I take advantage when it comes up but it is not something that happens regularly. The fwb I know are my friends first and bonus if opportunity presents itself.  If I was just out for the sex then I wouldn’t have all these close friends.  It would be meet and fuck and then walk away.  I can’t do that.  Twenty years ago sure, but I am older.  I enjoy women and pleasing them and this includes talking and just hanging out.  Plus I am also a sounding board about issues, frustrations or just life.

In closing, it is a lot of work.  I make effort to talk to my friends and if time permits meet up with them.  My fear is that the women will get bored or feel ignored and that is where my concern is.  In no way do I want that to happen, and worse want them to feel ignored.  They are all my friends and as much as it can drive me crazy some days I wouldn’t change it for anything else.