Door Swinging Open

Open relationship is very different then swinging.  Primarily open relationships is usually alone play and swinging is a group.  The differences in emotions along with the experience can make it difficult for some couples.  For our relationship we started a bit backwards.  We explored the open relationship and then transitioned to swinging based on circumstance.

I have talked about this before in other posts but I will cover this again.  When I first started dating my wife I always told her that if she wanted to explorer other cocks that we could discuss this.  Most men would probably think I am crazy.  Let me qualify that when you sleep with a virgin and then marry her, minds do begin to wander at some point.  In no way was I say go ahead, but I didn’t want her going off and sneaking around.  I didn’t expect her to ask so much later into our marriage.  I figured it would have happened sooner.  Sent me for a spin and took me a few days to process.

Now as most people know that a woman on a dating site gets lots of attention.  Unlike men, who seem to wallow in the deep water hoping to get a nibble.  So when she said I could play as well I started to look too.  Lets just say that the net was empty all the time.  Watching her get all the attention also started to bug me.  I didn’t think I was that bad looking but just couldn’t find any woman that to talk.  This went on for over six months when she noticed how frustrated I was getting.

After almost a year she approached me and said that maybe we should look at swinging.  She saw my frustration with the whole dating scene and really wanted me to explore this whole new lifestyle.  So we began the search for swingers.  It was an enlightening experience to say the least.  Met lots of great people, with different expectations and outcomes.  The difference though is that we were doing this together as a couple.  Exploring and enjoying together the experiences.

So this is where the biggest difference is between open relationship and swinging.  Swinging is a couple together exploring.  There is still the possibility of separate room play, but together they are having fun.  Open relationship seems to almost always be one person off having fun and the other not.  This is where the mind begins to wander.  For doing this for so long now I don’t think we have as much as an issue compared to new people exploring this type of lifestyle.  When together you don’t have time to really think since you both are engaged in the fun.  Alone with your thoughts while your partner is out on a date is where things can get a bit crazy.  I know when the first time I was out with a girl my wife was a bit stir crazy.  Similar with me, although I was at work at least so I had something to distract me.

So this past weekend I was alone again, well with my kids.  No one was really available for me to see.  So my mind started to wander again.  At least the Jays game helped to distract a bit, until they started to lose.  So my mind wanders and I start to get more horny.  Another side affect that we have seen from the lifestyle.  The first time my wife saw me with another woman she was drenched.  Literally dripping when I called her over and felt her pussy.  The woman have been calling this compersion.  I understand it more now since I have dealt with the envious and jealous feelings for over four years now.  That is the other factor.  You are more likely to get jealous when in open relationship.  The key is understanding why so you can deal and understand it.  Most time, at least for me, it is because I don’t have the opportunity.  Lately I have been getting horny when she is out.  Helps that I know the gentleman she is with.  Another factor that we found eases the feelings is know who the partner is.  Doesn’t make it so much of a mystery.

Basically I am stating that both of these types of relationships have some up and downs.  Each one provides a different experience.  There are no rules or guidelines in the lifestyle, so understanding the differences helps to see which one would fit within your comfort level.  The hardest part is the communication.  Open and full disclosure is the one thing that has to be done.  Being upfront with everything regarding fears, worries, and even fantasies.  These points I have touched on in previous posts but it is something that I have been thinking about over the past month.  The relationships that I have built.  The woman and couples that we have met.  How each one brings a different dynamic to our lives.  And the interaction between them along with my other partners.

The differences relates a lot to what the couple is wanting.  We have done both, and enjoy both aspects of it.  We have our poly quad, along with a poly girlfriend and boyfriend.  Totally unexpected and adds another layer to complexity.  With no set guidelines or rules in the lifestyle it does allow for some interesting dynamics to happen.  We have rules for ourselves but there is not a set rule for the lifestyle.  You create what works for you.  Each couple is different, and not always the same as another couple.  This makes communication between the couple(s) so important.  Understand the other couples rules helps make it work.

Being trapped in your own mind is not fun.  Expressing yourself is scary too.  You have a partner that you trust so open up.  Talk about everything and don’t worry about judgement.  There will be difficult conversations but you will be surprised on how much closer you will feel after.  To be fair I wouldn’t jump into something that you know might have a strong reaction but the more you talk the more you will open up.  Not to mention you might find out that you both have been thinking the same thing but never brought it up.  This doesn’t mean that you have to be in the lifestyle, but is something that after years of being married we realized how much we didn’t talk.  Communication in the marriage is so important and without it you will fall down a path that could make you become more alone even though you are married.