Benefits and the strings that don’t exist

With any relationship there are expectations. Friendship, companionship and possible sexual relations. The one thing about the lifestyle is that it is open to many different avenues. Sex with no strings attached (nsa) is one of the common rules. No commitment. Just sex.

The fear that some couples have at the beginning is if they fall in love with someone else. What happens next?  Am I forgotten?  It is hard thing to answer since it really depends on a lot of factors. One being the couple and the bond they share.  The other is the couple or single that they interact with.  Sometimes they can cause drama that is not needed, or on purpose to get their way.

This lifestyle is not for the weak.  It is a choice that is made and explored together. Like I have mentioned in other blogs, lifestyle has no rules and the couples goes with what makes them feel comfortable. This allows everyone to be relaxed and creates some interesting dynamics.  With myself I have my wife and poly wife. This means that I basically have two wives. (yes lots of talking trust me)  I also have a couple of fwb. I see them when time permits for sex but I also see them as friends too. This is mutual benefit to all which is why it is nsa and “Friends” with potential benefits.

I have had a few fwb over the past few years. Some I still talk too. Friends we are but no benefits outside of friendly chatter. Most reasons why is because of things changing. Some because of situation, others because of circumstance. Regardless there is no strings to bind us so we stay friends or in the other cases we don’t.  Casual sex is just that. Sex.

The funny thing is that I don’t seem to have these “benefits” for very long with any of the woman I have met. Now timing is always a factor along with opportunity. Being married and with kids makes it hard.  Not like I can say “Come on over I’m horny (or if she is horny same issue).”  And since we seem to find couples usually with kids they are in the same position.  So it comes down to timing.

Usually when this happens it is almost last minute.  I took advantage of this with my wife away and yes it was last minute but with the limited window I didn’t know what else to do.  Not knowing when you can have a chance again makes it frustrating, exciting and involves lots of patience.  Depending on the connection with the friend this could spell disaster since they may just move on, no matter how great you are in bed.

Through this whole blog you are wondering what my point is?  Why am I writing about stuff that I have repeated, harped on and brought up numerous times.  Well because it appears I will be reducing my fwb by one if things proceed as I suspect.  It makes me sad that it will happen but happy for what she has potentially found.  I care for all the woman I talk too, which yes sounds odd but I do.  I like to help and if that means listening them vent about their ex husband, or talk about future goals or even just about a new movie I will do that.  If by chance we hook up for a great round of sex, or two even better.  It is just that when you think you found a solid friendship with benefits and it is cut short due to circumstance it does get frustrating.  More because there are slim pickings where I am, so when you find someone you connect with and enjoy, it gets frustrating having to think about going back into the deadpool (yes I went there) since there are so few fish to find.

Oh and by the way if the woman doesn’t talk or try to communicate than it makes it harder for me to want to talk to them.  I can talk to myself very easily, do it more often than I should some days, so if you think I will carry the conversation and ask all the questions than forget it.  I do not have time to do this and if you have no interesting in having a conversation in learning about me than look for someone else please.

Sorry, got side track with a mild case of venting.  So back to my FWB that is having new opportunities.  We have only been together a couple of times, but we have a solid friendship.  When it was brought up to me with the change in situation I totally understood, which I think might have surprised her a bit.  For the past few days I notice a change in the conversation so I already suspected something was up but didn’t want to press.  She has been 100% open with me about everything and for that I respect her totally.  She would have told me when she was ready.  We will still chat just means that sex is off the table.  Our rule is all parties must know and agree, and in this case it looks as no an option.  So Friends – no benefits which makes me little sad but I know that she is happy and I can’t argue with that.  All I want for my friends is to be happy.

So with that said I will get back to work now, since I am sitting in the dark waiting for things to happen.  OH, I need to finish my story, but not really in the mood.  Well reading the story that I have drafted might help, damn, don’t think I want to get a wet spot in my pants again.

🙂