Balance, it is not that easy

This year will be an interesting one.  Hopefully with change.  Personally I am looking to move out of my role, along with trying to find my wife a new job.  Both have taken a toll since it has been an up hill battle, with one step forward and about five back.  Along with that I am also dealing with other issues, namely my girlfriends.

I don’t have any clever nickname for them, unlike my wife’s “boy toys” which I coined within the first year.  And to be serious they don’t deserve a nickname.  If they were just a fuck and forget than maybe, but each one is a good friend.  Talking to them gives me insight into their lives, much like I have let them into mine.  What has been challenging is the dynamics, and how to not go insane.

Another question asked recently is “How do I balance everything?”  Honestly, I really don’t know.  Having a wife and poly wife is hard enough, but with my friends with benefits (FWB) it adds another level of complication.  Everyone is busy with family and work.  Finding time to meet, even for coffee has been at times challenging.  Not to mention if there is anything physical to happen we don’t have a bed available.  So how do I balance?  The simple answer, communication and a lot of work.

I make the effort to talk to them.  Listen to their frustration, problems, joys and experiences.  A sounding board for them to voice their thoughts.  In all fairness most of my dates are platonic, since we don’t have any where to go for privacy.  Sure there might be some kissing, but that is about it.  Mostly I am there to be a friend.  That is the first word in FWB so that always comes first.  Any benefits is a bonus, which usually involves a lot of planning.

Much like our quad, which plans our dates three months in advance, I am now trying to arrange time with them as well.  Family and work seem to be complicating things, and along with how busy they.  We do have social gathering with our other couples in there as well, so I have a very busy social circle.  If you knew me when I was younger this is new to me as well since I was never in the “in crowd”.  Planning has become more important.  What is my fear is that I don’t want any of them feeling they are being left out.  This has been an ongoing fear with me since we started this adventure.  If the woman is single then getting away for a date is somewhat easier.  Not so with me, which makes me feel guilty when I can not drop everything and just go.

As I stated early communication is so important.  When we do get a chance to meet in person we make it count, as much as circumstance allows.  Most of my chats are usually helping the woman with their concerns or needs.  Being a sounding board is good, and I try to give insight into the question or situation they are asking.  I enjoy it but it can also get very tiring.  One evening I helped one of my friends over an ugly situation, which took most of the evening.  After I was done I felt drained, tired and not in the mood for anything.  I didn’t realize how much effort is involved and with that it can take a toll.

As much as it might sound like I am complaining, I wouldn’t change any of it.  These past few years has allowed me to meet some wonderful people.  The people I have met have been amazing.  If I didn’t I wouldn’t be doing this.  To be fair, balancing the time with everyone is a lot of work.  I do not want any drama, and fortunately, there has not been any.  There is no magic solution in balancing the lifestyle.  Making time is the hardest part.  We don’t have the luxury to just go out, unlike when you are single.

Another thing that I realized while I was away for two weeks is that I was basically single again.  It was easy for me to just go and do something.  Granted, I did miss my family but there was no restrictions since I had no direct responsibility while I was away outside of work.  It made me appreciate more of what I had at home.

So after all that babbling, balancing the lifestyle along with family is a lot of work.  I don’t want anyone to be left out, since I know how that feels.  My closest friends now are all in the lifestyle.  The relationships that I have built have been amazing.  Regardless if it is just texting, having a coffee, or ending up in bed they are some of my closest friends.  The amount effort can be extreme sometimes but like any friendship it takes work.

It is worth it, since you can never have enough good friends.