Coming out with friends in the lifestyle is one thing that we have been very careful on how we approach it. Majority of our friends would probably not fully understand our decision. Mainly because of their beliefs or personalities. Not to say that we wouldn’t tell if them if they asked, but we choose when and who should know. Currently there are probably a handful of my friends that know and a few of my wife’s friends. Continue reading Hear ye Hear ye – We are in the Lifestyle
Since we have opened up our marriage it has been humorous in some of the things that we took for granted when we were younger. There was no internet so you had to meet people the old fashion way. You had to actually talk to them in person. I know how strange is that? But seriously, the internet has brought in a whole new way to connect with other people. This also includes finding new friends that might become more.
I have a few twitter friends that if we were closer I suspect we would have mutual benefits. What has been nice about twitter is that you can actually interact with them. Of course you will get the weirdos, the ignorant or god complex ones but you can at least easily see this within a few interactions. Fortunately for me I have not had to deal many “unique” people on twitter. I have a close group that we seem to regularly check in with. To me this is my other family, my twitter family, since they know my lifestyle and understand and accept it.
So back to reality, since we do actually meet people at times in person that maybe you want to pursue. For me there is one girl that have been talking to and want to get to know more. Problem is that for one I just can’t blurt out that I am interested. She knows I am married with kids. Secondly there is a few years difference in age, not that it bothers me but to her it might seem like I am old perverted man.
Jokingly with my wife we have discussed this dilemma in the past. How do you tell someone you are interested but that it is okay my partner is good with it? Not like you have a certificate/license that says “YOU ARE FREE TO FUCK WHOMEVER YOU WANT”. Or “Here is my phone you can call her to confirm.” Maybe have a t-shirt that says “I am available – wife gave me a hall pass”.
There is no easy way to say or even prove it. I do want to be honest and upfront with whomever I am dealing with. To most whom I have told, including my ex-girl friend, they were shocked. Even more shocked when I told my ex that wife didn’t mind if we hooked up again. She actually texted her to confirm that it was okay. I appreciate that she can do this since we both have a standing relationship with her but if you meet someone new I don’t see that same solution would apply.
So how have I told friends or people I met? Normally it is the conscious effort of being busy on the phone. Texting and chatting regularly. Yes it may seem rude but it will force a conversation to happen that is if you want it to happen. Other times we have just advised the friend on what is happening. Surprisingly have had one friend said “I thought you have been doing this for years already.” Good to know that I am sex fiend. I told a few of the woman that we were drinking with when I was on a conference about a year go that I was in open relationship. How I told them? My phone kept going off and they asked who it was. Told them it was my girlfriend. They then started asking questions about the lifestyle.
There is no easy way to approach someone and start up a conversation, and then midway through mention that you are married but allowed to explore on your own. Most woman, I would think, would react badly to it. To me if I heard that I would think it was a lie unless I can confirm that. Which is the problem since I doubt a stranger is going to be able to validate the claim easily. Not like your spouse is your wingman (or maybe she is, you are a lucky one 😉 ) so they couldn’t just ask in person.
So how do you come out, be honest, and not offend or scare the potential new friend away? That is a question that I do not see an easy answer too. Everyone is different both in how they approach it and the situation. If you are lucky maybe you have found an easier way to do it. For me I am going to have to rely on patience and wait for the right time to bring it up.
For those of you out there what has been your dating experience in the lifestyle? How did you approach new people that are unsure if they were in lifestyle? Have you had any non swingers find out and then want to explore (or as I have been told converted them)? And for the ladies what has been the worst pick-up line that you heard? And please think of this as person to person and not online. Leave your thoughts in the comments below.
Discovering yourself is an interesting challenge. You don’t know what it is you are looking for until you come across it. Like most things you usually are introuduced to something new. This has been my experience for the past few years. As to what I have tried, well, I will try almost anything once, twice if I like it. 😉
Unfortunately there are things that I don’t get aroused from. One is bondage play which stems from my younger days and an interaction with my first long term girlfriend. Back then I was a cook at a resturant and working with heavy pans you build up strong muscles in your wrists and hands. Unknowning to me I gripped her wrists to tightly by accident and she told me it hurts. To this day I focus to not hurt the woman during sex. I understand that bondage is not always to hurt. It is to restrict the person but for myself I do not feel comfortable with doing that.
One advantage of having more than one partner in this life style is that each person brings there own bag of tricks. Experience and pleasure is the ultimate goal and everyone is different. Some squirt while others like to do the bondage. I just like making woman cum, and if they squirt that is a bonus. Some love to use toys on woman. I always feel that I am being replaced by toys but I am starting to slowly come around to toy play. Krystalla3 would love to hear that, since it is one thing that she loves. She also is now keen on the bondage thing. Myself I can’t get there so for here to explore outside of myself it makes me a little nervous. Not to mention a bit jealous that it is something that I doubt I can experience with her.
Now you are wondering “Why is he not talking to her about this directly?” and the simple answer is we have. We have talked about this lots of times and she reminds me that she understands that I do not get off on it. Like I mentioned above, it is something that she is looking for and with other partners it is possible. My problem is that I feel I let her down, something that I can’t do to please her. We have both agreed to do what we enjoy and if we try something new and didn’t like it we don’t have to do it again. Problem is that if one person enjoys it and the other doesn’t where do you go from there?
It is a delima that I didn’t expect to come up since I thought I could do most things. Now I am fighting internally to figure out what does turn me on. What other things besides the act of sex gives me an arousal?
For the past week or so I want to try something new. Just don’t know what NEW is? Is it s new couple? Is it a new girl? Does it involve toys? I just don’t know. I think it stems from my quad signing up on a new site geared towards fetishes. I didn’t want to join up since I didn’t want the disappointment of being ignored again. For any site the men out way the woman and it seems that being a woman makes it a lot easier to be engaged. Men not so much. And I really don’t think I have any fetish.
Looking forward I think new rules will be imposed if that is the direction she wants to explore. Not rules for the bondage but more if it will involve people outside our group. Alone play is not an issue we have done that in the past. Tying my wife up involves a large amount of trust. Regardless if she trusts them I need to also trust them too.
I bounced around in a lot of different places for this blog entry. My mind does that since it is taking all the information in and than formulating a conclusion. At this point I don’t have one yet but stay tuned. When I do I will let you know.
When I was younger I frequented the local strip clubs. Grand illusions that maybe one them hot chicks would take an interest in me beyond just making a few dollars. Of course it never happened and you always come out poorer. One thing that I did notice one night in a club which didn’t make much sense to me until I entered into the lifestyle. It happened one night when I was visiting a friend and went club hopping. Been to this club a couple of times and I enjoy the atmosphere. One thing different was there were a few bachelor parties going on.
At one point they had the grooms men on stage, three of them, sitting on chairs. They then we’re told they had to lap dance for the ladies. It was funny to watch until the end of it when the ladies pulled down there pants. Never seen that happen before. Little while later a stripper came on stage tossing around a beach ball. It ended up being stuck on one of the chairs of stage and she motioned someone to get it. Continue reading Dicks in a room
Twitter chatter has brought me back to my first group experience. For my first with more then two couples since it is a very different dynamic since it is not just a swap. It was a very unique and surprising experience since it was not actually planned to happen the way it did. Let me explain. Continue reading Couples – Boobs, Hands, Cocks… Oh My!
As you might have read in my last post restless feelings that I am on the hunt for new blood. What I didn’t mention is that I do have a few lingering fwb around still. My wife approves of most of them but there is one that is not her favourite. Not because she doesn’t trust her more on her personality traits.
Ironically last week during my crazy work night I talked to her again and she was horny. She wanted a booty call. I was at work till 3am so that didn’t work out so I told her we will have to try another night. Continue reading The Booty Call – What does it sound like