Since we have opened up our marriage it has been humorous in some of the things that we took for granted when we were younger. There was no internet so you had to meet people the old fashion way. You had to actually talk to them in person. I know how strange is that? But seriously, the internet has brought in a whole new way to connect with other people. This also includes finding new friends that might become more.
I have a few twitter friends that if we were closer I suspect we would have mutual benefits. What has been nice about twitter is that you can actually interact with them. Of course you will get the weirdos, the ignorant or god complex ones but you can at least easily see this within a few interactions. Fortunately for me I have not had to deal many “unique” people on twitter. I have a close group that we seem to regularly check in with. To me this is my other family, my twitter family, since they know my lifestyle and understand and accept it.
So back to reality, since we do actually meet people at times in person that maybe you want to pursue. For me there is one girl that have been talking to and want to get to know more. Problem is that for one I just can’t blurt out that I am interested. She knows I am married with kids. Secondly there is a few years difference in age, not that it bothers me but to her it might seem like I am old perverted man.
Jokingly with my wife we have discussed this dilemma in the past. How do you tell someone you are interested but that it is okay my partner is good with it? Not like you have a certificate/license that says “YOU ARE FREE TO FUCK WHOMEVER YOU WANT”. Or “Here is my phone you can call her to confirm.” Maybe have a t-shirt that says “I am available – wife gave me a hall pass”.
There is no easy way to say or even prove it. I do want to be honest and upfront with whomever I am dealing with. To most whom I have told, including my ex-girl friend, they were shocked. Even more shocked when I told my ex that wife didn’t mind if we hooked up again. She actually texted her to confirm that it was okay. I appreciate that she can do this since we both have a standing relationship with her but if you meet someone new I don’t see that same solution would apply.
So how have I told friends or people I met? Normally it is the conscious effort of being busy on the phone. Texting and chatting regularly. Yes it may seem rude but it will force a conversation to happen that is if you want it to happen. Other times we have just advised the friend on what is happening. Surprisingly have had one friend said “I thought you have been doing this for years already.” Good to know that I am sex fiend. I told a few of the woman that we were drinking with when I was on a conference about a year go that I was in open relationship. How I told them? My phone kept going off and they asked who it was. Told them it was my girlfriend. They then started asking questions about the lifestyle.
There is no easy way to approach someone and start up a conversation, and then midway through mention that you are married but allowed to explore on your own. Most woman, I would think, would react badly to it. To me if I heard that I would think it was a lie unless I can confirm that. Which is the problem since I doubt a stranger is going to be able to validate the claim easily. Not like your spouse is your wingman (or maybe she is, you are a lucky one 😉 ) so they couldn’t just ask in person.
So how do you come out, be honest, and not offend or scare the potential new friend away? That is a question that I do not see an easy answer too. Everyone is different both in how they approach it and the situation. If you are lucky maybe you have found an easier way to do it. For me I am going to have to rely on patience and wait for the right time to bring it up.
For those of you out there what has been your dating experience in the lifestyle? How did you approach new people that are unsure if they were in lifestyle? Have you had any non swingers find out and then want to explore (or as I have been told converted them)? And for the ladies what has been the worst pick-up line that you heard? And please think of this as person to person and not online. Leave your thoughts in the comments below.