Not right now

One thing that happens is the word “no” . It is not meant as an insult. Or even a rejection. Most times it is situational. Not right time of the month, to fast, or maybe just uncomfortable. There a multitude of reasons for the word to be said. The one factor is that it is respected.

Respect your partner and spouses. Very important since there are times that things go to fast. And yes I have turned down sex. When I was younger as well as in group play. Not a common occurrence but it does happen.  The issue is don’t take offence to it. Don’t pressure the situation or ask for details as to why. The reason maybe personal and not wanting to be discussed at the exact time. Doesn’t mean it won’t come up in conversation later. Just respect the person and understand it is not you.

The world of kink uses other terms. Usually words that warn on threshold. Red, yellow and usually another colour depict the stop level. As much as a dom might be the one controlling the scene it is the sub who controls the outcome. There level of comfort, sensation, and pain depict how far they can go.  I don’t mean that this should be used for everyone in regular sex. Saying the usually “harder” or “don’t stop” is just as effective. The difference is that when in kink begging can be a part of it so using the keywords allows the Dom to understand when it is a real request.

Just because a woman stops what is happening is no insult to either of you. I have one lady that at some point will hook up and we have discussed in length about the sex. And we also discussed the word no since if she becomes uncomfortable she wants it to stop.  I fully respect that and appreciate that we have discussed what the concerns are.

I have had this happen to me recently. Unknown to me I was to rough and when the partner was saying no I didn’t hear. We talked about it a a few days later and we qualified what she expects. She also covered what happened and why it was not enjoyable. She had a hard time starting the conversation but once we got talking it all came out. I was happy she told me and even as I apologize over and over she understood it was an accident. It was not intentional.  And sex later that night was great.  Like when you are first dating someone you need to understand their needs in their bedroom.  Just because your old partner was more kinky or could tolerate pain more doesn’t mean the new girl you are with can do the same.

In group play there is bound to be some issues to come up.  If things are not fully discussed than most likely this is where you will get told no.  It is not a rejection.  When I said no to sex with the one couple we saw it was for a few reasons.  Primarily it was our first time meeting them and we ended up naked so quickly.  The no was more, not now, later.  I am glad we did that since after the meeting things did fall apart and I don’t know how they would have felt if we did have sex that night.  I rejected the option to protect ourselves along with the couple.  Full intentions of fucking later, just not at that time.

You can try to mitigate the potential of having the partner say no.  You may want to confirm any questions you have. As I have stated before communication is key. Understanding your partners limits, needs along with expectations makes the play time more enjoyable. No surprises. Unless of course you doing an activity that has that then we’ll go ahead. Just ensure you both are on same page. More often than not you might assume something and this is where things get uncomfortable.  This is where the activity could be stopped.

Talk it out with the partner or couple when you have a chance if this happens.  This usually means that you didn’t clearly communicate before you proceeded to the bedroom.  Now that you are aware that something wasn’t right you can discuss and figure out what boundaries might have been crossed.  As much as I feel I repeat myself communication is so important.  Without it you will have drama and problems all the time, so keep up the talking.  Discuss everything regarding fantasies, wants, and needs.  What you will and will not do.  Get it out in the open with your partner or couple.  You might be surprised and find out similar thoughts from them too.

Intimacy

Many people don’t understand the lifestyle, or at least find it hard to grasp.  The main hangup is the sex act.  How can you fuck someone else and not love them?  Or how can you let your spouse go and fuck someone else, don’t you love them?  I think what everyone is working through is how intimate the act is.  Sex can be intimate, but also just sex.  Pleasure with no regret on cumming, fucking, sucking or any other act you do.  Now what about after sex?  Is there intimacy beyond the sex act?

The definition of intimacy is: a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group.  Continue reading Intimacy

Soft wood, hard wood, they just want wood

This lifestyle will challenge most men in one specific area.  This is because as a man that is one thing that always worked without thought.  And when it decides to disappear and not perform it can be a big shock to the man.  It also makes the man embarrassed, since the woman expect it to be rock hard regardless on what is going on.

When I was younger my cock would stay hard even after sex. Continue reading Soft wood, hard wood, they just want wood

You let your wife do what?

This is my raw thoughts so no editing has been done.


 

A smile flashes across my face as I think about what is happening about 30 mins away. Right now my wife is at a friends house about to get fucked. Why am I smiling?  Few reasons with one this is way over due.  And the other is that this is the first time in a while she has done this. Continue reading You let your wife do what?

Tied up in my search for meaning

Discovering yourself is an interesting challenge.  You don’t know what it is you are looking for until you come across it.  Like most things you usually are introuduced to something new.  This has been my experience for the past few years.  As to what I have tried, well, I will try almost anything once, twice if I like it. 😉

Unfortunately there are things that I don’t get aroused from.  One is bondage play which stems from my younger days and an interaction with my first long term girlfriend.  Back then I was a cook at a resturant and working with heavy pans you build up strong muscles in your wrists and hands.  Unknowning to me I gripped her wrists to tightly by accident and she told me it hurts.  To this day I focus to not hurt the woman during sex.  I understand that bondage is not always to hurt. It is to restrict the person but for myself I do not feel comfortable with doing that.

One advantage of having more than one partner in this life style is that each person brings there own bag of tricks.  Experience and pleasure is the ultimate goal and everyone is different.  Some squirt while others like to do the bondage.  I just like making woman cum, and if they squirt that is a bonus.  Some love to use toys on woman.  I always feel that I am being replaced by toys but I am starting to slowly come around to toy play.  Krystalla3 would love to hear that, since it is one thing that she loves.  She also is now keen on the bondage thing.  Myself I can’t get there so for here to explore outside of myself it makes me a little nervous.  Not to mention a bit jealous that it is something that I doubt I can experience with her.

Now you are wondering “Why is he not talking to her about this directly?” and the simple answer is we have.  We have talked about this lots of times and she reminds me that she understands that I do not get off on it.  Like I mentioned above, it is something that she is looking for and with other partners it is possible.  My problem is that I feel I let her down, something that I can’t do to please her.  We have both agreed to do what we enjoy and if we try something new and didn’t like it we don’t have to do it again.  Problem is that if one person enjoys it and the other doesn’t where do you go from there?

It is a delima that I didn’t expect to come up since I thought I could do most things. Now I am fighting internally to figure out what does turn me on. What other things besides the act of sex gives me an arousal?

For the past week or so I want to try something new.  Just don’t know what NEW is?  Is it s new couple?  Is it a new girl?  Does it involve toys?  I just don’t know.  I think it stems from my quad signing up on a new site geared towards fetishes.  I didn’t want to join up since I didn’t want the disappointment of being ignored again.  For any site the men out way the woman and it seems that being a woman makes it a lot easier to be engaged.  Men not so much. And I really don’t think I have any fetish.

Looking forward I think new rules will be imposed if that is the direction she wants to explore. Not rules for the bondage but more if it will involve people outside our group. Alone play is not an issue we have done that in the past. Tying my wife up involves a large amount of trust. Regardless if she trusts them I need to also trust them too.

I bounced around in a lot of different places for this blog entry. My mind does that since it is taking all the information in and than formulating a conclusion. At this point I don’t have one yet but stay tuned. When I do I will let you know.

Couples – Boobs, Hands, Cocks… Oh My!

Twitter chatter has brought me back to my first group experience.  For my first with more then two couples since it is a very different dynamic since it is not just a swap.  It was a very unique and surprising experience since it was not actually planned to happen the way it did.  Let me explain. Continue reading Couples – Boobs, Hands, Cocks… Oh My!