It was the first party that I went to after we opened up that I realized how boring vanilla is. To be clear, anyone that is not in the lifestyle is vanilla. Now don’t get me wrong, some of our friends who are vanilla know about us and the lifestyle. The issue is more when you are in a group of people and no one knows. It makes you actions very limited and biting your tongue is a common practice at those parties.
The problem stems from the fact you can’t be yourself. You have to act a specific way since public perception of swinging is not favourable. So you can’t just whip out your cock and say “suck it,” or walk up to a woman and grab her tits. Heck you can’t even take another woman and kiss her without getting dirty looks. Now granted you still need to have respect at the lifestyle parties, but I think you get my point. You have to hide the lifestyle and with that you are hiding part of yourself.
For the past few months I have been struggling with people knowing, and how they would react. I am not embarrassed by my choices and honestly it would be easier if I could act the way that I can. So here I am again wondering on who should know. I really don’t think I can just post it, or change my status and see who notices. It comes down to who should know and can handle it. Little different when there is suspicions or something happened where it has brought up questions from a third party. Than you have to deal with it at that time. It is more the “Hey, by the way I am swinger, but don’t judge” passing comment to our vanilla friends that probably wouldn’t be taken in the best of ways.
As it is I am now facing at least 3 vanilla parties, involving both sides of my family and with some naive friends. None of families know about us and we have no worries about their visits since I will be focused on the dogs. I am more worried about our friends Birthday Party. I won’t be drinking much which is a good thing, since that would only make my inhibitions drop to nil. It is more the restrictions and knowing I have to behave that is the hard part. Vanilla is not just boring, it is restrictive, limiting the couples to be on the straight and narrow. We did that once, and it is was boring.
Vanilla is plain and that is the hurdle that we have to conform to when at those types of parties. We were there in our marriage where things were just plain. That was what our marriage was so long ago until we opened up. Now it is exciting, new, fun and the most important, engaging. We engage with other like minded people on different levels. Sexually, mentally and physically are the main ways that we do this. And we engage with each other on a regular basis. Don’t get me wrong, we still have our issues that we identify and discuss. The difference is we talk regularly and expose our selves to each other. If we kept everything hidden like we did so long ago this lifestyle would have exploded in our face.
Not to say vanilla is wrong, or even boring to everyone. What I am saying that mixing the two creates a separation and with that one or the other has to modify behaviour. That it basically ties our emotions, actions and thoughts back to vanilla and it is something that we do not want to do. It feels restrictive, trapped and not free like we have been with our lifestyle friends. To be blunt it is boring, and sitting in a room full of vanilla’s is boring. Usually makes me run through the “Who would I fuck” list to keep myself entertained.
If the vanilla’s knew about our lifestyle than the party is different. It is more relaxed and we can act more natural. Not that we do anything sexual with the vanilla’s there but we don’t have to hide and can talk openly and flirt all we want. It is just after they leave that things could get hot and heavy.
So I will be going to the party this weekend, trying to behave, trying to not look like a perverted horn dog. I just hope that there are no single guys or girls there. If so than I suspect that my wife and me might pounce on them the first chance we get. Nah, you are right, we aren’t that bad, it is not a full moon that night. 🙂