The work place and sex is complicated

Having been in in the lifestyle for two and half years and still going does not make me an expert.  We have learnt a lot from our mistakes and miscommunication.  Since some of my friends confide in me it has exposed me to questions that are raised.  The one question that came up recently, and also has me concerned as well, is the workplace.  I am aware of a few friends who have temptation, including myself, and the fear is on multiple levels on how to proceed if pursuing someone in the workplace.

Let me be clear that I have no degree in any of this so this is my opinion.  With that said I think there are a few points to consider in regard to the workplace and the risks/rewards associated with having some outside of work fun.  Keep in mind this discussion leans more to the open marriage side but can relate if you are single as well.

The first thing that pops into my head when I consider approaching a woman is sexual harassment.  I am aware of a few friends who have been charged or written up regarding this.  Now granted what happened I can understand why, but still you do not know how the other person will react if you do approach them.  Some might be shy, some might be offensive and others could be repulsed and call HR right away.  Don’t forget about the third party situations where two co-workers are talking and a third party over hears and is offended.  Nosey neighbours is one of the common problems in the workplace and because of that remember to filter what you say around others.  It is this one reason that makes me very tentative on discussing sex in the office (or most things that are private).

Now I am not saying that you should avoid it all together like the plague.  I am saying that you need to be very conscious on what you do and say in public areas within work.  I have myself had some encounters in my old word (previous jobs) and as long as things are on good terms then it is all good.  It is when things go sour where issues can arise.  Accusations, threats, or high school tactics can arise and no one wants that kind of drama.  This happened to me once and I had to defend myself which is not easiest when they think you are trying to hurt them.  What ever you do NEVER PUT IT ANYTHING IN WRITING.  This is the worst you can do and it can haunt you at any point, even years later.  Think before you act is very important at the work place.

Secondly the issue is being able to perform you job effectively.  The relationships and networking you do at work are very important for you to do your job.  If you at some point damage a relationship with one of your co-workers it could be more damaging since they could affect your job.  Think about all the people you deal with and then think of the one hot person you would prefer to fuck.  Now imaging that you did, and it went well for a while until things went sour.  How hard it would be to do your job if this one person was against you.  Could you still be able to do your job properly?  Would there be any other risks associated to having this person not being an ally at the workplace.  Worst if this person is vindictive then it could cascade to other people.   So imagine it gets out and now you have a whole department that is against you.  I am working in a worst case scenario as an example but it gives you a good idea on how fast things could fall apart.

One other issue is maybe you aren’t fucking the secretary but you have by chance a few friends that know about your lifestyle.  I do have a few friends at work that know and with that it is a risk.  I also trust them with this information since I have knowledge on them as well.  Not saying I would use anything but it does help to have a good relationship with someone before they know that you like to fuck and you have multiple partners.  Each of them accepted me and have also asked me questions about the lifestyle.  Granted they have no interest and still don’t fully understand how I do it but they accept it.  That is all that I can ask.

I trusted my friends with this knowledge.  I put myself at risk with letting someone know this.  Just make sure to think about the complications if things get out to other people that they know.  Myself I have found out that some of my friends know from another friend.  I am not impressed since it is my decision to tell who I think should know.  This goes the same with the workplace.  You don’t need to have rumours or hearsay that could be damaging to your reputation within the workplace.  You have to work there and since we spend 80% of our week at work I don’t think I want to be stressed when I go there because of what people might say or think.

The other blogs I have posted have touched on communication, trust and dealing with people knowing.  I have not had many issues with dealing with the fallout of someone who couldn’t accept it.  The few issues with bad reactions that I do recall only one sticks out.  My friend told his spouse about it and the reaction was not good.  It has blown over now, about six months it took, but it was tense and awkward.  I guess it really comes down to the chance.  With all risks there is possible fallout.  Dealing with it all will be stressful but time will fix it.  Just have to have a little patience.

And one more point.  I have been wanting to tell a few of the girls at work that I would like to date.  The risk is to high, and I don’t want to risk any of the above points in regards to it.  Trust me I had a perfect opportunity to tell one but I knew it was not the right time or place.  Guess I will have to wait and see.  Well that and the one has a boyfriend so it breaks the other rule.  Thou shall not chase a taken woman.  Well unless they are both swingers or in open marriage than it is all fair game.

I didn’t mean to start preaching work place ethics.  I guess it is how the topic just came together.  Ironically these points also go for most other settings (excluding sexual harassment although keep in mind some woman get offended very easily).  Remember who is around you at all times when you are discussing your lifestyle.  Never put something in writing that you don’t want to incriminate yourself.  And lastly trust the people that knows your about your lifestyle.  Having a surprise chat with a friend that you didn’t tell but someone else did is not a lot of fun.

And for the fallout problem that happened or is happening, time heals everything.  Problem is the drama is going to be ongoing for a while.  Just be patient and don’t force any solution.  Things will sort itself out in the end.  Just takes time.