Culture Shock

In our culture the lifestyle is not something that is understood or respected.  One reason why we don’t promote it freely.  We don’t hide it, if you ask we will tell you but we also don’t flaunt it.  We respect other peoples opinions and because of that we keep this part of lives private from most people.

What I have seen in the past few months, and over the couple of years swinging, is that different cultures have different opinions on relationships.   Continue reading Culture Shock

NYE and the cumming year

Another year has come and past.  The highs and lows of the past year has been extreme, with many changes to everyone that I have been involved with.  Medical, family, personal and just about any other issue has been felt by all.  If you told me three years ago that I would be leading a double life in that I have a poly wife, a couple of fwb that I see once a quarter if I am lucky, and how my wife has opened up to the BDSM side of things I would have said “You are full of shit!”

I really have not expected how things have evolved this year.  Our quad has started to balance out the past few months. Continue reading NYE and the cumming year

King or Queen

With being in the lifestyle there are things that you now review to see if they fit still.  Ironic one of those is the bed since having 4 people in a queen size bed is pretty crowded.  Not something that works well for sleeping, and even for the sex olympics can be a bit creative.  What has transpired this thought process of late is our two dogs.

You see when we normally sleep, sometime around 5 am one of both dogs sneak into our bed.  We don’t mind, although it does add some laughs when we can’t seem to move being pinned down by two dogs.  The dogs know that they are not allowed up until morning (mostly) so it has worked for us.  That was until last night.

Lexxi is staying with us for a few days to recover from a procedure.  We have slept three in a bed before, but this was before we got our second dog.  What I learned last night is that having two dogs and two woman in the same bed really doesn’t mix.  Not to mention our youngest dog is hell bent on being comfortable on the bed.  The other factor is not everyone can really get comfortable in the bed.  Add the dogs and it becomes a very crowded bed.  So my thoughts last night was, “We need a bigger bed.”

Actually we have be discussing the bed size for some time now.  The realization of having more bed space would make so many things easier.  Dogs, couple play and obviously more couples in one bed if it happens.  Our bed has been with us since we got married so long ago (I won’t go into the years since it would make me feel older) so it is due for a change.  A lot of miles have been put on it (yes I went there) and I think it is time to trade it in for an upgrade.

Meet and Greet Dash

The hardest part with the lifestyle is finding people.  The second hardest part is the meet and greet.  The usual discussions is simple questions .  Also depends on the couple since everyone is different.  The rules that each couple have are varied and may not always line up with what your rules are.  This is why the communication is so important in understanding what both couples are looking for.  Something that we learned when we had our first meet with a new swingers couple.

This was a bit different than later ones since we were new to this.  The couple that we met was also new so it was a learning experience for all of us.  We talk a bit through the website and agreed to meet. Since we had the kids and we couldn’t leave them home alone we offered our house.  Now some of you might think that this is crazy but we only plan to meet and have drinks.  We have lots of friends who come over, so there is no risk in this happening since the kids know we have friends.  We planned to meet a week or so later and chatted a bit leading up to the date. She was attractive with a full body but sexy in her own way. Her husband seem cool and honestly, I can’t recall if he was attractive. Drinks started to flow and we started to discuss the lifestyle. Discussing the lifestyle, how successful they have been, and what we all were looking for.  This is where we found out something that we should have discussed before we met up.

We didn’t discuss our limits or preferences.  Not that you need to spell out every little detail but there is some things you need to qualify before meeting.  My wife is not bi, neither am I, but the woman play was very important to this couple.  She was bi and wanted this experience.  It is one thing that should have come up in conversation but there were assumptions made.  I have also noticed online dating sites show a high amount of bi or bi curious woman.  This surprised me but also shows on some level why swingers actually swing.  Besides the sex they also want to have the fantasies.  Woman play is usually high on most list for men.  They enjoy watching two woman intertwine together with mouth and hands exploring.  Not for me since I prefer to be involved but for others they love to watch.

In this case it was a deal breaker. They didn’t say this during our chatting but the way they almost ran out of the house I was a little insulted.  Lesson learned is that before any meeting make sure you cover what is expected if things lead to play. Everyone must be on the same page. Of course each encounter is different but a clear understanding of limits must be communicated.  Something we learned very quickly after this date and something that we clearly communicate before any meeting after that.  We also learned later on that having a meet and greet can quickly escalate to other things happening, but that story I will tell later.

The first one to get away

When our adventure began it was with singles.  Alone play without the spouse, which after some time a pattern emerged, woman just have it easier in finding boy toys.  Men are not that fortunate, and since I was getting frustrated it was decided to try our hand at swinging.  Not saying that she was not having any luck, the first guy that she was with went dark not long after and I never had a chance with his spouse.  I was a little resentful on how it all played out, and honestly having no luck in finding woman was taking a hit on my self esteem.

By chance Krystalla/Jane (just to keep everyone on same page for her alias) found a couple on another dating site.  This was not the first couple we talked to but the first one we actually did more than meet and greet.  She was talking to the male half for a short period of time and not to long after I was introduced to the woman.  We start to text and she sounded great, and I was looking forward to meeting her after our steamy chats.  Another thing that we started to see a regular pattern of is the bi factor.  Woman seem to be either into it or curious with the male side rarely even considering it.  This couple was unique where both were bi so it opened conversations regarding limits.

Growing up looking at the all the porn, one thing that never really did much for me is girl on girl play.  Not that I didn’t like it, but it didn’t do anything for me.  I wanted to see the woman get pounded and having two girls intertwined just made me want to join in since there was a cock missing from the picture.  Krystalla is not bi and neither am I so there was the conversation about what our limits our.  Basically I wouldn’t and depending on circumstance my wife might.  Either way it was not what we were primarily looking for.

The couple that we also talked to was not married, and both of them have busy lives, much like ourselves.  We agreed to meet at a hotel just south of where we are to chat and see if we connect.  That same night I was also invited out by a co-worker to hunt for woman.  We had a few drinks and I told him what was to transpire that night.  He said good luck as we parted ways for the evening.  On the way home I felt the alcohol and realized that I should have taken it easy.  Krystalla was not impressed but within the time leading up to leaving I felt more myself again.

Upon arriving at the hotel I felt nervous.  More because of the uncertainty on what to expect.  They had already arrived and we got to talking quite easily with them.  The wine was flowing and before you knew it I was feeling no pain again.  I really don’t know how long we talked but it felt like forever.  Krystalla had to visit the bathroom and when she came out she saw the girl in my arms and me kissing her deeply.  Her and the guy ended making out as the girl asked me if she could kiss my wife.  I said you can ask her.

This is where my first experience close up with two girls,  let alone one of them my wife, and watching the other girl kiss her was erotic.  Have to say watching my wife doing this makes it hot, but I still wanted to bury my cock in the other one.  Needless to say the clothes didn’t stay on to long after and we all started to make use of our tongue and fingers.  Unfortunately this is where my part went a little south.  You see the cock didn’t really want to make any formal appearance.  Sure it was at attention but not to the degree for physical penetration.

Alcohol had a major part in doing this.  Between the dinner drinks and then the large amounts of wine that I drank it affected my member.  Plus once you start to think about getting hard you might as well pack it in since the body don’t work like that.  Now this does not mean you are out of options.  I made that girl squirt all over my face multiple times that night and it was hot.  I do feel a bit sorry for the cleaning ladies since there was a lot of wet marks on both beds that night.  The only thing that I didn’t get a chance to do is fuck her and well that is one my little hang ups.  She is really the first one that got away and to this day I would still love to have another chance with her.

Krystalla had a great time, she got fucked by the other guy.  Oral as well but she also enjoyed watching me with another woman.  The group sex, even though you may not all be intertwined is something to experience since you are close enough to see and hear but you also have your activities going on close by.  We also switched to our regular partners as well for a short period and I got to watch the girl get fucked by her partner.  Nothing like live porn instead of a computer screen with videos of over the top actors.

Lessons learned from this encounter is simple, alcohol can be your friend in loosening up with new people but it is not your friend in large amounts if you plan to fuck.  The other factor too is that during our second planned date it was brought up on what the female wanted which was some male bi action.  As much as I wanted to please her that was something I really couldn’t do.  You have to stay in your comfort zones, and unless you feel comfortable doing what ever action you are asked, than don’t do it.  Even if you have to stop play and talk to your partner than do it.  No one will get upset with you because this lifestyle is about trust and respect.  Drama is not wanted and if everyone is on the same page it makes everything go smoothly.

We don’t talk to this couple any more.  Last I heard the girl is back with her husband and the guy is still out there hunting for his next partner.  We left on good terms and considering the second rendezvous fell through I am glad we had our first time with them.  It helped to make us understand more on what we need to know before going into a meeting and what to expect as well when it comes to the playing.

Scream from the roof tops

So I bet when you read that title you were thinking something dirty.  Like having your partner on the roof and giving it to you as your whole neighbourhood watched.  Well that is not the case although that does give me some dirty thoughts 😉  Plus I don’t think it would be the safest place to have sex, but than again I have heard of same crazy places lately.

Continue reading Scream from the roof tops

Take her for test drive?

At a long time friends house this weekend to see there new place.  Vanilla parties, as I have mentioned in the past is not as much fun but it does have some advantages. Mainly new blood, or potential new blood.  Lately I have been looking at couples and wonder “do you play?”  Continue reading Take her for test drive?

Rules are there to Rule the couple

I have been battling in the past few months the rules we have in place for my wife and me.   I guess battling isn’t the right word.   More like trying to stay within the rules.  My brain knows what they are but my pecker seems to always have different ideas.  Something that drives me nuts when I am with a woman but know the limitations, but wanting to go further.  Lately it has been a losing battle, let me explain. Continue reading Rules are there to Rule the couple

Don’t ask if you don’t want the answer

Okay this has been brewing for a while now and I really have to get this off my chest. Well that and the 6th drink has made me a little drunk.

We selectively tell people who we can trust in handling that we are swingers in open marriage. Reason why is that people can behave differently. Most people who can not understand they don’t own their partner is why we don’t tell them. Well, on better judgement I told my one friend. Known him from high school.  It was a mistake. Continue reading Don’t ask if you don’t want the answer