So I bet when you read that title you were thinking something dirty. Like having your partner on the roof and giving it to you as your whole neighbourhood watched. Well that is not the case although that does give me some dirty thoughts 😉 Plus I don’t think it would be the safest place to have sex, but than again I have heard of same crazy places lately.
When the woman are horny at the same time, chatting on my phone, it can get maddening. I can’t satisfy them and it gets frustrating. Yes I have my wife to help with that, but the reason why I have fwb is to, well fuck them. I just can’t call them over to help their needs (I am just that kind of guy). We don’t have an empty house for that to happen. Since they don’t have an empty house either, can’t go to them. So the act is not the main issue, it is more the where, which gets me down sometimes. Continue reading Horny and no place to Fuck
With any relationship there are expectations. Friendship, companionship and possible sexual relations. The one thing about the lifestyle is that it is open to many different avenues. Sex with no strings attached (nsa) is one of the common rules. No commitment. Just sex.
The fear that some couples have at the beginning is if they fall in love with someone else. What happens next? Am I forgotten? It is hard thing to answer since it really depends on a lot of factors. One being the couple and the bond they share. The other is the couple or single that they interact with. Sometimes they can cause drama that is not needed, or on purpose to get their way.
This lifestyle is not for the weak. It is a choice that is made and explored together. Like I have mentioned in other blogs, lifestyle has no rules and the couples goes with what makes them feel comfortable. This allows everyone to be relaxed and creates some interesting dynamics. With myself I have my wife and poly wife. This means that I basically have two wives. (yes lots of talking trust me) I also have a couple of fwb. I see them when time permits for sex but I also see them as friends too. This is mutual benefit to all which is why it is nsa and “Friends” with potential benefits.
I have had a few fwb over the past few years. Some I still talk too. Friends we are but no benefits outside of friendly chatter. Most reasons why is because of things changing. Some because of situation, others because of circumstance. Regardless there is no strings to bind us so we stay friends or in the other cases we don’t. Casual sex is just that. Sex.
The funny thing is that I don’t seem to have these “benefits” for very long with any of the woman I have met. Now timing is always a factor along with opportunity. Being married and with kids makes it hard. Not like I can say “Come on over I’m horny (or if she is horny same issue).” And since we seem to find couples usually with kids they are in the same position. So it comes down to timing.
Usually when this happens it is almost last minute. I took advantage of this with my wife away and yes it was last minute but with the limited window I didn’t know what else to do. Not knowing when you can have a chance again makes it frustrating, exciting and involves lots of patience. Depending on the connection with the friend this could spell disaster since they may just move on, no matter how great you are in bed.
Through this whole blog you are wondering what my point is? Why am I writing about stuff that I have repeated, harped on and brought up numerous times. Well because it appears I will be reducing my fwb by one if things proceed as I suspect. It makes me sad that it will happen but happy for what she has potentially found. I care for all the woman I talk too, which yes sounds odd but I do. I like to help and if that means listening them vent about their ex husband, or talk about future goals or even just about a new movie I will do that. If by chance we hook up for a great round of sex, or two even better. It is just that when you think you found a solid friendship with benefits and it is cut short due to circumstance it does get frustrating. More because there are slim pickings where I am, so when you find someone you connect with and enjoy, it gets frustrating having to think about going back into the deadpool (yes I went there) since there are so few fish to find.
Oh and by the way if the woman doesn’t talk or try to communicate than it makes it harder for me to want to talk to them. I can talk to myself very easily, do it more often than I should some days, so if you think I will carry the conversation and ask all the questions than forget it. I do not have time to do this and if you have no interesting in having a conversation in learning about me than look for someone else please.
Sorry, got side track with a mild case of venting. So back to my FWB that is having new opportunities. We have only been together a couple of times, but we have a solid friendship. When it was brought up to me with the change in situation I totally understood, which I think might have surprised her a bit. For the past few days I notice a change in the conversation so I already suspected something was up but didn’t want to press. She has been 100% open with me about everything and for that I respect her totally. She would have told me when she was ready. We will still chat just means that sex is off the table. Our rule is all parties must know and agree, and in this case it looks as no an option. So Friends – no benefits which makes me little sad but I know that she is happy and I can’t argue with that. All I want for my friends is to be happy.
So with that said I will get back to work now, since I am sitting in the dark waiting for things to happen. OH, I need to finish my story, but not really in the mood. Well reading the story that I have drafted might help, damn, don’t think I want to get a wet spot in my pants again.
For the past few days I have been having the highs and lows of emotions. Feel great at one point than get slammed with another blind side that I have to deal with. Granted, normally a man only has to deal with one wife, but having a poly wife and than a couple fwb, well you can see how it gets complicated.
Continue reading Juggling all these balls is challenging
There is no rule book or guideline to read. I have mentioned this a few times in my previous blogs. This makes the lifestyle unique since there are only two rules that are common with all couples. Respect and Honesty. These two points are mandatory if you plan to make the lifestyle work.
Respect is so important since you are dealing with multiple people, sometimes all at one time. If you don’t have any respect than things could get out of hand or even dangerous. With that said, if everyone is respectful of each other things go smoothly. That is one reasons why the clubs are so great for the woman. They know that they don’t have to deal with the assholes, everyone is respectful at those places.
Honesty is the second one since if there are any deceit or lies, drama ensues and that is one thing that is not needed. This allows everyone to be on same page. Understanding where group is coming from and what is expected makes things go smoothly. No surprises, and with that no drama or problems. You can never be to honest with anyone, although sometimes they may not want to hear it. Keep in mind that it keeps everyone on the same page. Now don’t get me wrong, you can have surprises, but those are more game or fantasies.
Where the majority of couples that make mistakes when starting out is in a couple of ways. The first is diving in with both feet in the deep end. Yes this can work, but to be honest it usually causes more problem, since most times honesty and trust has not been solidified between them which secures them in their own relationship. This usually creates heated discussions. This can work for the strong bonded couples but the ones that are feeling this lifestyle out, really should take their time. Start off very slow and see how things progress and talk about everything with your partner.
The other area that seems to be the biggest problem is communication. They don’t honestly communicate all their feelings, fears, doubts, concerns, fantasies, hopes, dreams, and anything else that comes up. My point is that marriage, in it self can become stale or vanilla. Plain and nothing changes. You stop talking and take things for granted. Not until you start to honestly talk about everything that you start to realize what you have been missing. It is one the revelations that happens when you open up. It took both my wife and me by surprise on how much we stop talking. We took for granted each other on multiple levels. Opening up made our relationship stronger and also made us more aware of each other. Hard to believe, but it is one thing that has been confirmed to us by numerous couples that have opened up.
So how do you stay on the swing? Simply is talk, take a step, talk more, and repeat. No rushing into this. This is not something to save your marriage, but to strengthen it. If you are using this to save your marriage, then talk extensively before you do anything and really go at a turtles pace. I am no counsellor but I stress to take it slow if your marriage is not on solid ground. This lifestyle will cause earthquakes at times and if you are not solid it could cause more problems than solving any.
The next thing is to set boundaries, rules, limitations, whatever you want to call them. Make them fit BOTH of your ideals and make sure you are both comfortable with them. Honesty is key here. If you are not honest with yourself and your partner this will cause issues. Once you have these in place don’t waver from them. They are there to protect you. As well as the other couple or fwb that you encounter. And never, ever change your rules based on the other couples suggestion. No one in the lifestyle asks another couple to change their rules. That is disrespectful and in no way should another couple compromise what rules you have in place. Now keep in mind, that like everything, rules can be modified.
Just don’t think about changing the rules on the fly. What I mean by this, if you have a rule of soft swap only, you should stick to this. Maybe you go to a meet and greet party, and you have no plans on doing anything. Things happen and you meet a couple you are attracted to and you go off alone into another room. You have not broken your couple rules, but you might go past the boundaries you set for the party. There is a difference. Keep in mind that you can stop at any time and talk if you have too. NO couple will stop you from doing this. If they do they don’t respect you, pack up and leave. As you can see from the simple example, rules are there to protect the both of you. As long as you conform to them you will be fine.
Please don’t think I am any type of expert. I am laying out what we have learned in the almost three years of being in the lifestyle. We have dabbled in numerous areas and this has allowed us to get a few skid marks along the way. It has made us stronger from our highs and lows. Interacting with other like minded couples has allowed us to gain knowledge. Meet and greets in your local area are great to know like minded couple and you would be surprised on what you can learn.
I hope this helps those that are new and looking for some starting point. We all started in this lifestyle and we all came into it in different ways. As long as you having fun and being safe than enjoy. Don’t take anything for granted and make sure to hold to true to yourself and as a couple.
There are no rule book for the lifestyle. If there were it would probably mean that more people would be looking into it. Well, maybe not more but it does show that couples make the lifestyle what they want it to be. Much like a relationship it evolves as the couple searches for what they want out of it.
Having been in in the lifestyle for two and half years and still going does not make me an expert. We have learnt a lot from our mistakes and miscommunication. Since some of my friends confide in me it has exposed me to questions that are raised. The one question that came up recently, and also has me concerned as well, is the workplace. I am aware of a few friends who have temptation, including myself, and the fear is on multiple levels on how to proceed if pursuing someone in the workplace.
Let me be clear that I have no degree in any of this so this is my opinion. With that said I think there are a few points to consider in regard to the workplace and the risks/rewards associated with having some outside of work fun. Keep in mind this discussion leans more to the open marriage side but can relate if you are single as well. Continue reading The work place and sex is complicated
Three days. It took three days and it was all a blur. My new girl who I will call Red took me a New Relationship Energy (NRE) high. This is the feeling of someone new. Exciting. Thrilling. Intoxicating. Every new girl I have meet this happens to me and it can also blind judgement.
Normally when you are dating you don’t have to worry about NRE. You go with it and enjoy the ride. When you are married and in open relationship it gets more complicated. You have to balance everyone’s emotions and as I found out last night it is exhausting.
Three days of riding the high and then seeing my wife after being away for the three days I crashed. This had nothing to do with see Red at lunch and having a great time or talking to her for the past three days. Or even my night of fun on Monday night with my other lady friend. It’s from the seeing the person who I married and have missed for for the past three days. It is reconnecting and with that I crashed. Hard. Continue reading NRE is real and better than alcohol