Firsts in my mind

We have had a lot of firsts.  We have done orgy, group sex, among other things.  The rule for Krystalla and myself is that we have to have done it first before it can be done with anyone else without each other.  Fair rule since we want to enjoy the experience for the first time together.  We went into this together and it is only fair that we have the experiences shared for the first time too. Continue reading Firsts in my mind

Unique can not be forgotten

For past few weeks I have had the good fortune of seeing a few of my fwb.  Timing has actually worked out, although it seems like when it rains it pours.  This week especially has been busy.  The sex has been great as well, but there has been one common factor of late that I am now realizing.

Continue reading Unique can not be forgotten

Fantasy – less

I don’t have any fantasies.  Well I did, when we first started.  One evening during the first month that we opened up so long ago we talked about it.  Saying to each other what we wanted to try or thought we would try.  Within the first few years I did pretty much everything that I wanted.  I have been asked on and off over past year about any others and I don’t have any.  I guess I am just not kinky enough.

Well maybe I am kinky, just not to the degree of exploring areas that do not interest me.  I have an issue with making a woman receive pain, something that happened a long time ago which has stuck with me since.  Oh I have tried it with Krystalla once on my own, and it was interesting, but I don’t really get off on it.  Krystalla’s boy toys do, with both of them being Dom’s.  It is something that of late has been on my mind more and more.  Even Lilly is looking into this area and it is something that I am confronted with.  What would I do?

Lilly let me into her private life a bit more after Cuba, providing me access to her journal.  The week I was gone she had a lot of stuff happen so she let me read what she experienced.  Yesterday at work I went and looked again and saw a few more entries, one being with a Dom she met and is starting to pursue.  She likes the idea of being a sub, or more like bottom.  Have to say thinking back she does respond well to it  although I am not the same level as a Dom.

What I did realize, from her writing, she outlined the experience from her point of view since she is learning.  Even after my wife and poly wife have tried to explain it was her writing that made everything click.  I now have a good understanding on what they experience along with how it is performed.  I have seen it done, by a few different men and even watching it didn’t help me understand it.  It was erotic seeing my wife on the cross and being worked over by them, but it still didn’t make me want to do it.  Even asked to help out and I declined.  I still don’t want to, at least not to the degree that her bf and poly husband perform it, but it has opened my eyes on what they are looking for.

Ironic that my gf so far away has opened up my mind to something that has been explained and discussed for over two years and it didn’t click.  Now that it has I still don’t think it would be something that I would pursue.  Well not to the degree that would be what they are craving.  My tastes are different and they understand that too.  They get both worlds where one can be physical but in different styles.  Of course, anything is possible.  Little bit of alcohol and the right playful mood and who knows, although that is also dangerous since I really don’t listen that well either.

One thing that I never do is what is asked of me.  If they want something specific I withhold longer.  It is my way of controlling the woman.  Just because you want my tongue on your pussy, or the fingers inserted doesn’t mean you are going to get it.  Krystalla has asked a few times for fingers of late and I refuse.  Why?  She wants it.  She craves it, and with me not giving that to her it makes her want it more.  When I was younger and I did this the woman would almost go wild.  Being older the reaction is a bit different but it can have the similar effect.  Not getting what you want, for me at least, can be more powerful.  Almost drives me crazy, and I would do things I don’t normally do.  Much like the woman I know, they seem to have the same reaction.

Controlling the situation is something that I enjoy and also do instinctively. Sure I have had times where I didn’t have control and it was hot.  It is not common but it has happened.  When I am controlling it is done without me knowing.  I have been told I am a verbal Dom, but I also am a physical Dom too in the same sense.  As much as it has been explained to me, I do still feel a bit lost since everyone seems to be moving forward with something.  Myself, I am still the same guy who loves to make woman cum on my terms.

This doesn’t mean the book is closed on it.  More that I am still trying to find my footing.  Understanding what is bugging me is very important in me processing.  My drive is different, and my woman know it.  They also appreciate what I offer and for that I am grateful.  Not being able to do a specific area doesn’t mean I am useless although at times it does have that feeling.  It is understanding why I feel that way and working through it.  That and also making the woman cum a few times usually takes the edge off as well.

50 Shades of voices

I have read the book and the writing was horrible. After seeing the movie I found I liked it better. Maybe because of the lack of suffering such a badly written book. I couldn’t even continue reading the second (although I am now considering it).  I did discover one thing that did surprise me.

Control. Yes I do like it in the bedroom.

Continue reading 50 Shades of voices

The good and the bad

The hardest part in the lifestyle is how things evolve. My wife found BDSM with our poly couple. I never would have thought this would be something she is interested in.  Nor something I can do myself.

Sure I have dabbled when I was younger with control.  Voice and maybe holding a girls hands down.  Giving orders and controlling them during sex.  Even told I’m good at it.  I also know I can’t go to the darker side of it.  Which is why I have the poly husband to do that for me.  Continue reading The good and the bad

BDSM test – how accurate?

As some of you may noticed, within our quad there are different levels of BDSM.  This is something that I would never have considered if it wasn’t for our quad.  Each person brings their own skills and experience and for myself it is something that I am trying to get my head around.  Why?  Short version is that I can’t hurt woman, never could.  Yes I understand that D/S role the sub really has the control, but it still is not in me.  Well okay, smacking an ass til it is red is one thing, but giving pain is something that I am trying to understand.  Watching both my wives at the club getting worked over was enlightening, but not something I can do.

Anyways, I have no idea how this came up, or where the quad found this but there is a test to see how kinky you are.  Since they all did it, well I had to see how I fit onto the scale.  Surprisingly, there was not really anything to surprising about the results for myself. Continue reading BDSM test – how accurate?

Exposing my inner thoughts on the dark side

Unknown to me when I was younger, I was dominate when having sex.  I would direct and control the woman with my voice.  Fast forward to now and it something that I am struggling with.  Not the verbal part, that is coming back in stages since I turned it off when I married my wife. She was innocent back then and didn’t come out of her shell till some time later.
Continue reading Exposing my inner thoughts on the dark side

Choke surprise

Choking I only do in my jiu jitsu class.  I know to perform lots of different types.  Rear naked, head in arm, and the famous guillotine to name a few.  I would never it do it for pleasure which is why I was caught of guard hearing my wife was choked during sex this past weekend.  In the past few years she has explored and discovered fetishes that for me is not something that I can easily perform.

Over the past year Krystalla has had her fetishes explored, and found out that she really loves the side of pain during sex.  I am happy she has found this although it puts me in an awkward spot.   Continue reading Choke surprise

Tied up in my search for meaning

Discovering yourself is an interesting challenge.  You don’t know what it is you are looking for until you come across it.  Like most things you usually are introuduced to something new.  This has been my experience for the past few years.  As to what I have tried, well, I will try almost anything once, twice if I like it. 😉

Unfortunately there are things that I don’t get aroused from.  One is bondage play which stems from my younger days and an interaction with my first long term girlfriend.  Back then I was a cook at a resturant and working with heavy pans you build up strong muscles in your wrists and hands.  Unknowning to me I gripped her wrists to tightly by accident and she told me it hurts.  To this day I focus to not hurt the woman during sex.  I understand that bondage is not always to hurt. It is to restrict the person but for myself I do not feel comfortable with doing that.

One advantage of having more than one partner in this life style is that each person brings there own bag of tricks.  Experience and pleasure is the ultimate goal and everyone is different.  Some squirt while others like to do the bondage.  I just like making woman cum, and if they squirt that is a bonus.  Some love to use toys on woman.  I always feel that I am being replaced by toys but I am starting to slowly come around to toy play.  Krystalla3 would love to hear that, since it is one thing that she loves.  She also is now keen on the bondage thing.  Myself I can’t get there so for here to explore outside of myself it makes me a little nervous.  Not to mention a bit jealous that it is something that I doubt I can experience with her.

Now you are wondering “Why is he not talking to her about this directly?” and the simple answer is we have.  We have talked about this lots of times and she reminds me that she understands that I do not get off on it.  Like I mentioned above, it is something that she is looking for and with other partners it is possible.  My problem is that I feel I let her down, something that I can’t do to please her.  We have both agreed to do what we enjoy and if we try something new and didn’t like it we don’t have to do it again.  Problem is that if one person enjoys it and the other doesn’t where do you go from there?

It is a delima that I didn’t expect to come up since I thought I could do most things. Now I am fighting internally to figure out what does turn me on. What other things besides the act of sex gives me an arousal?

For the past week or so I want to try something new.  Just don’t know what NEW is?  Is it s new couple?  Is it a new girl?  Does it involve toys?  I just don’t know.  I think it stems from my quad signing up on a new site geared towards fetishes.  I didn’t want to join up since I didn’t want the disappointment of being ignored again.  For any site the men out way the woman and it seems that being a woman makes it a lot easier to be engaged.  Men not so much. And I really don’t think I have any fetish.

Looking forward I think new rules will be imposed if that is the direction she wants to explore. Not rules for the bondage but more if it will involve people outside our group. Alone play is not an issue we have done that in the past. Tying my wife up involves a large amount of trust. Regardless if she trusts them I need to also trust them too.

I bounced around in a lot of different places for this blog entry. My mind does that since it is taking all the information in and than formulating a conclusion. At this point I don’t have one yet but stay tuned. When I do I will let you know.