Tied up in my search for meaning

Discovering yourself is an interesting challenge.  You don’t know what it is you are looking for until you come across it.  Like most things you usually are introuduced to something new.  This has been my experience for the past few years.  As to what I have tried, well, I will try almost anything once, twice if I like it. 😉

Unfortunately there are things that I don’t get aroused from.  One is bondage play which stems from my younger days and an interaction with my first long term girlfriend.  Back then I was a cook at a resturant and working with heavy pans you build up strong muscles in your wrists and hands.  Unknowning to me I gripped her wrists to tightly by accident and she told me it hurts.  To this day I focus to not hurt the woman during sex.  I understand that bondage is not always to hurt. It is to restrict the person but for myself I do not feel comfortable with doing that.

One advantage of having more than one partner in this life style is that each person brings there own bag of tricks.  Experience and pleasure is the ultimate goal and everyone is different.  Some squirt while others like to do the bondage.  I just like making woman cum, and if they squirt that is a bonus.  Some love to use toys on woman.  I always feel that I am being replaced by toys but I am starting to slowly come around to toy play.  Krystalla3 would love to hear that, since it is one thing that she loves.  She also is now keen on the bondage thing.  Myself I can’t get there so for here to explore outside of myself it makes me a little nervous.  Not to mention a bit jealous that it is something that I doubt I can experience with her.

Now you are wondering “Why is he not talking to her about this directly?” and the simple answer is we have.  We have talked about this lots of times and she reminds me that she understands that I do not get off on it.  Like I mentioned above, it is something that she is looking for and with other partners it is possible.  My problem is that I feel I let her down, something that I can’t do to please her.  We have both agreed to do what we enjoy and if we try something new and didn’t like it we don’t have to do it again.  Problem is that if one person enjoys it and the other doesn’t where do you go from there?

It is a delima that I didn’t expect to come up since I thought I could do most things. Now I am fighting internally to figure out what does turn me on. What other things besides the act of sex gives me an arousal?

For the past week or so I want to try something new.  Just don’t know what NEW is?  Is it s new couple?  Is it a new girl?  Does it involve toys?  I just don’t know.  I think it stems from my quad signing up on a new site geared towards fetishes.  I didn’t want to join up since I didn’t want the disappointment of being ignored again.  For any site the men out way the woman and it seems that being a woman makes it a lot easier to be engaged.  Men not so much. And I really don’t think I have any fetish.

Looking forward I think new rules will be imposed if that is the direction she wants to explore. Not rules for the bondage but more if it will involve people outside our group. Alone play is not an issue we have done that in the past. Tying my wife up involves a large amount of trust. Regardless if she trusts them I need to also trust them too.

I bounced around in a lot of different places for this blog entry. My mind does that since it is taking all the information in and than formulating a conclusion. At this point I don’t have one yet but stay tuned. When I do I will let you know.

Dicks in a room

When I was younger I frequented the local strip clubs.  Grand illusions that maybe one them hot chicks would take an interest in me beyond just making a few dollars.  Of course it never happened and you always come out poorer.  One thing that I did notice one night in a club which didn’t make much sense to me until I entered into the lifestyle. It happened one night when I was visiting a friend and went club hopping. Been to this club a couple of times and I enjoy the atmosphere.  One thing different was there were a few bachelor parties going on.

At one point they had the grooms men on stage, three of them,  sitting on chairs.  They then we’re told they had to lap dance for the ladies.  It was funny to watch until the end of it when the ladies pulled down there pants.  Never seen that happen before.  Little while later a stripper came on stage tossing around a beach ball.  It ended up being stuck on one of the chairs of stage and she motioned someone to get it. Continue reading Dicks in a room

Couples – Boobs, Hands, Cocks… Oh My!

Twitter chatter has brought me back to my first group experience.  For my first with more then two couples since it is a very different dynamic since it is not just a swap.  It was a very unique and surprising experience since it was not actually planned to happen the way it did.  Let me explain. Continue reading Couples – Boobs, Hands, Cocks… Oh My!

The Booty Call – What does it sound like

As you might have read in my last post restless feelings that I am on the hunt for new blood. What I didn’t mention is that I do have a few lingering fwb around still.  My wife approves of most of them but there is one that is not her favourite.  Not because she doesn’t trust her more on her personality traits.

Ironically last week during my crazy work night I talked to her again and she was horny.  She wanted a booty call.  I was at work till 3am so that didn’t work out so I told her we will have to try another night. Continue reading The Booty Call – What does it sound like

That restless feeling

For the past few months I have had urges.  More like wanting something new. For the past year and a half I have been with another couple along with my wife.  Basically I have two wives now (yes twice the drama of the cycles got right).  I love them both but my urge for new blood has been growing.

Don’t get me wrong, the sex is hot and when we have the chance for group play it is great.  My issue is I like change which lies my problem.  I am not freaky and don’t have a fetishis, I just enjoy sex.  My issue is that the rest of the quad (what we call our group) does and it has left me a little on outside. Continue reading That restless feeling