You can’t chose who you have feelings for. It happens. This is something I have gotten used to over the past few years. The problem is that most women aren’t close by.
So when you have a person who is far away and having a tough time I feel powerless. I want to help. Need to help. That is who I am. When you can’t do it frustrates me.
Don’t get me wrong. All the women in my life are strong. Like anyone though there are times when they are not. For many reasons this could happen. In this case I am more frustrated. It is an external act that has caused this problem. I can’t comprehend why or how it happened but it has. And now sitting at my desk at work I have no idea on how to help.
Instinctively I want to fix the issue but I can’t. Powerless. Worse it is affecting both a woman I care for deeply and myself now. She is hurting. Frustrated. Trying to figure choices she has to make and I can’t do anything to help. Nothing. Can only offer support via text at the moment. Not preferred but only option at the moment.
I really want to help. Want to rush to her and hold her. Tell her it will be okay. Let her know that she has my support and physically comfort her so she doesn’t feel like everything is crashing down on her. That everything happens for a reason. Things will get better, always does. Just takes bad things to happen for it to get better.
It is never easy. I understand more that I can’t control everything. As much as I am told I’m a control freak I am not. I just work to make sure outcomes are what I expect. Reduce risk and possible problems. Control is an illusion. I can only control my actions and behaviors. This is how I am handle my problems. Not easy but it is how I cope.
Only thing I can now control is finding a way to see her. Hopefully things work out that it happens. If not I will support from afar best I possibly can.