Exposing my inner thoughts on the dark side

Unknown to me when I was younger, I was dominate when having sex.  I would direct and control the woman with my voice.  Fast forward to now and it something that I am struggling with.  Not the verbal part, that is coming back in stages since I turned it off when I married my wife. She was innocent back then and didn’t come out of her shell till some time later.

Me eyes got a taste of what she likes at Bob’s birthday party at the club. The way they applied the paddle and made her flinch with the smacking was intriguing. I can’t make a woman feel pain. That is something I have covered in the past but it is something my wife craves. It is something she gets off on and since I get off on woman having orgasms this is something I am now thinking about.

Of course this just got her wet when she read the last part. Probably got my poly wife a little wet too. You see, both of my closest woman like to be restrained but for different reasons. Lexxi likes the sensations minus the pain where Krystalla thrives on that painful sting. Both woman have a fetish that is different yet similar. Problem is I don’t do either.

Me adjusting to this is where I have been contemplating of late. First issue is the kids. Not like I can strap Krystalla to the bed and have kids walk in asking why she is tied up naked. Second is that even though I can’t give pain I do have a dark side. Yes even me who woos woman with my charm and voice. Partially why I am reluctant to go there. I don’t know how far I would go. I don’t know if that door can be opened safely.
You see when when I was younger I went through a bad phase. I treated woman like crap. Yes I know hard to believe. Let’s just say my heart was hurt a lot when I was younger. So I thought why not give woman what I got over the past few years. Yes it was wrong. I did hurt s few woman along the way with how I got sex. It is from this that I have closed that door. Afraid on opening it again.

Both of my wives are aware of this to a degree. I have even helped Bob during his session with the girls on suggestions on occasion. For me to go on my own is a bit scary.

Even in group play I have a hard time. You see I’m respectful. I let the girl decide on what is to happen. Group play you need to insert yourself into it and that is where I find myself frozen. Unsure on how to inject myself (stop giggling) into woman and what is happening within the group.

And at the club I had my first fuck in that environment. Much like group play it is a bit overwhelming with the sights and sounds. It was hot but my mind was a bit over active. Maybe I need more practice in that environment. Although at the end of the night one of ladies who I noticed in the play area squeezed my shoulder as she was leaving to go home. I guess she enjoyed the show. It did help with my confidence a bit.

As you can see my mind has been very active and this is a problem. Over active minds can really hamper the other head in waking up. Found this out when we first started out. Over the past few years I have been able to let that go to a degree but if you don’t have a hard cock them you will get cramps in your tongue and fingers. Trust me I love getting woman off but I would prefer to use all my tools that are attached to me.

Our first time with another couple my cock didn’t wake up. Alcohol was a factor but it was also the new experience. Sounds, visual of wife getting fucked, and another woman playing with your cock is very overwhelming the first time. I never did get a chance to fuck her but she bathed me in her juices when she squirted from my tongue. So it was a good night but it opened my mind to how different group is compared to one on one.

Heck my wife and poly wife had standing room only when they were at the club tied up and teased. It was hot to know that everyone was there enjoying the show, with both woman I care deeply for. I didn’t get hard but it was a very erotic scene. I really wish I could have captured it on film.

So this leaves me with a couple points. First I want to go to the club a few times more. (the girls just got excited reading that too) More to get accustom to the environment. Secondly and this is something I have been bouncing around now in my head for a while, after any of my fwb dates that involve sex it will involve a night of pain for Krystalla. This has two benefits. Primarily the connection after my date and two I can give her what she wants based on myself have my fetish also met. I don’t get out often for sex which is also helps not have me doing it all the time too. A win win in my book.

Exploring is very important in sex. I have been exploring the non physical control of late. I have a few fwb now that I hope to see on a regular bases. After reading this post I wouldn’t be surprised if they have questions or thoughts on what they want done to them. Let’s just say I am open to discussing but be fully aware that if my wife and I have not done it yet then it is of the table. That has been a standing rule from day 1.

This week has been tough for me. Family issues have happened along with other news that had me very upset. I even took it out on Krystalla’s mouth last night. Forcing her to suck my cock the way I wanted. She didn’t argue and it did feel good. Controlling her by a handful of hair. Not saying anything as I made her do what I want. She got soaked just from that. I wish I didn’t have the headache at 2 am out she would have gotten my hard cock then. Dominating is fun but for me in small bursts. Hopefully I can balance this side of me and maybe let the darker side come out a bit.

So there you have it. I suspect there will be a follow up or too regarding this blog in the future. It has been a while where I have exposed my inner thoughts to this degree. If you have any suggestions leave a comment below.

Happy Friday 🙂