Do you want to go for drinks?

Simple question with so many different layers.  I know for myself that if I ask a woman out for drinks it means that I am interested.  At least if I was single that is what it meant. Doesn’t mean I am getting sex. Heck I usually can’t tell if the woman is even interested.  Going out for drinks is a way for an informal date, to get to know the other person.  That is my perspective on it.  By the way since I have an open relationship this thought process would still stand.  Difference for me is that I don’t expect to get it unless the woman offers.

This has come up because of a good friend of mine is not having much luck of late.  The dates that she has gone on have become awkward with the man thinking that they are going to get some.  Now alcohol can be a factor in this.  Casual flirting and small talk may be another.  The concern she has is that it seems that it all men thing that going for drinks will lead to sex.  She has made it clear to the man that it is just for drinks but they still assume as evening goes on that more could happen.  Some of these men are even married!

Normally drinks is a get to know the person, and who knows, enough alcohol and a few bad decisions and things could happen that way.  I am not saying that is right or that all man/woman think along the same lines.  What I have for this is a more a question to the public.

In the comments below please let me here you thoughts.  If you were asked out for drinks, as just the two of you, what is your expectations?  What do you think at the beginning of the night and does your stance change as the evening goes on?  For those of you who follow me via other media please comment on this blog so that all can see.  If not then only I will see it and for this blog I would hope that we can get some discussion points regarding the “going for drinks” and the assumptions men or even woman make.

4 thoughts on “Do you want to go for drinks?”

  1. If I were asked out for drinks, I would assume that the guy is interested, but it would not mean he guy is getting any sex. A hug and kiss maybe, but not further, especially on the first date/meet. Could I change my mind throughout the date, if things were going well? Sure. It still doesn’t mean he’ll get any further with me, but could make for an interesting second date

  2. Well, if the woman accepts the invitation and makes it clear to the man that it is only drinks and nothing more, than the man should not set expectations for more. She made it clear from the get go. As she is the one who clearly set the limitations for unofficial date, she is the one who gets to change her mind, but the guy should count it as a bonus, not an expectation. Sorry guys. That being said, the same is true if the roles are reversed.

    I would use the example of when I first met Gun and Krys. It was made clear to my hubby Bob that he should not expect any “play” the weekend we met. We were going to meet people we had been chatting with online for a long time. I set the limit, I also changed my mind and removed the limit. And here we are today.

    Simply put, you just don’t know where and when you will find connections. It may start off as just drinks, but as the personality layers all pulled back, you may find an unexpected connection you may want to explore. But this is not always the case. So of one party or the other clearly states a limitation, DO NOT SET EXPECTATIONS FOR MORE. This is setting yourselves up for awkwardness which will halt all and any progress in a relationship being built, whether friendship or more.

  3. For me a request for a date to go out for alcoholic drinks rarely happens. Coffee dates are more common. Coffee dates may not even mean a hug or a good bye kiss, let alone sex! But when the drink is alcoholic, men I’ve dated seem to think sex is on the table. Or, at least, they try for more than a chaste goodbye kiss by the time the date is over. Now, a couple first dates have led to going somewhere more private for… But it certainly wasn’t expected. At least not by me.

  4. Going out for drinks….hmmm…to me it’s just like Lexxi explained,letting the personalities be revealed for further inspection,but,just like Krystalla explained,once they are revealed there’s always a chance for a person to change their perspective on someone and decide to explore more…or less.(depending on so many variables,ie: environment ,mood,and so on…)
    Gunn does have a good point which Violeteyes revealed that the term “going out for drinks” may be used for just a coffee as well. But does that term mean a bit more if looked at in a different way in that when we “drink” we all let our true selves come out,revealing our fun loving personalities without that cautious,keep your gaurd up and act mature self that we always must keep out in public in society so as not to be judged or scrutinized by others.
    That being said I think the term “would you like to go out for a drink” is a perfect question that can be taken as “I want to get to know the REAL you!” Wether it involves alcohol or not.
    I myself enjoy the alcohol part.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *