To be fair I use a lot of different terms to make a black and white statement clearer. That is because with the lifestyle there are a lot of gray areas as well. My previous post about Dating & FWB seems to have made a few women comment directly to me. They had an issue with the NSA portion of it and with that I would like to address this in a separate post. I am not defending what I am writing, more to explain the logic behind how I use the terms to define something. Like I said there is no black and white in the lifestyle and for anyone new, using the black and white statements helps to define what I am writing about.
No strings attached (NSA) is a common term for basically a fuck buddy, or possibly a friends with benefits (FWB). There is really no rule book for FWB either, even though everyone has this thought about what it means to them. No rule book means that we take the principle and apply it to ourselves or situation. With the FWB there is a friendship that also means an intimate relationship. Doesn’t mean there aren’t feelings, or even any feelings outside of a good fuck. I used the term NSA to imply that the status of the FWB is just that, friends that might fall into bed together. Doesn’t mean something can’t grow from that. Not like it is planned to happen, learnt from experience here on that, but primarily it begins that way as a simple arrangement of friends and occasional sex.
I don’t get picked up by woman. I want to get to know the woman as well. What I mean is that the classification of a one night stand, fuck buddy, NSA sex or whatever else you want to call it really doesn’t happen to me. Sure I have had one night stands when I was younger, although I might have led on that it would lead to more of a relationship back then, but that was because I was young and didn’t care about feelings. Lots of women hurt me back then so my mentality was I could do the same. Not good, but that is how I become who I am now. More caring and understanding of women.
And to be fair the definition of NSA used to show that an offer or opportunity carries no special conditions or restrictions is how I see most of my relationships begin. Things can change depending on how they evolve but majority of them are based on this principle. None of my woman I treat this way in that sense, but I do not want to become something more that I cannot provide. Especially if the feeling are not mutual. In no way do I want to mislead anyone regarding the situation or arrangement. And if there is a change in the relationship it is usually discussed so that everyone is on the same page. No surprises and being open is so important.
The beauty of the lifestyle is that the interpretation can be so different between everyone. This is good and bad since with the amount of gray area you have to be clear on everything. My previous post made the effort of pigeon holing the terms and definitions. Not something that is easily done, and with the lifestyle there are so many different degrees that it can be seen from a different angle by each and every one of you. In not way is what I wrote the “final answer” but it is something that discuss. This post has generated more discussions between the women I know that I think it helps. It makes them think, evaluate and then come to a decision on how it applies to them and their choices. Without discussion we wouldn’t have come this far in the first place. So feel free to comment and discuss, get it out in the open. I prefer to have open talk about points then someone quietly in the corner not agreeing or seeing it a different way but not bringing it up.
There is no right or wrong in this but there can be a common ground to discuss it. Don’t be shy, type away below in the comments. You might be surprised on what you get back and who knows you might make things more clear on the perspective that you have chosen.
We have had a lot of firsts. We have done orgy, group sex, among other things. The rule for Krystalla and myself is that we have to have done it first before it can be done with anyone else without each other. Fair rule since we want to enjoy the experience for the first time together. We went into this together and it is only fair that we have the experiences shared for the first time too. Continue reading Firsts in my mind
I would like to thank one of my followers for this suggestion from my contact page. It is a point that I have touched on a few times over the year but really never dwell on it to much. Communication is very important as I mentioned numerous times, but setting expectations is something that also is equally important. Without setting expectations things can get out of control, or worse drama can ensue that could cause complications or problems after the fact.
Continue reading Don’t expect it
Since I started my blog I have done some topics that were brought up by other friends. Primarily related to the lifestyle have been some of those. My hope is that with me exposing the topic and working through what my thoughts about it are might allow the readers to open their mind to the thought. Digest what I say and formulate their own opinion. I am not preacher, or all knowing, Continue reading 8 degrees of FWB
Our quad has settled into a relationship that has become more like married. It has almost been two years since we met and things have evolved dramatically. This past year has been an eye opener for all of us. Needs and desires for each person is different. Nothing wrong with that at all unless they are not full filled. Of late this seems to be a common theme. Maybe things are becoming to comfortable and we need to shake things up a bit.
Fetishes are not my thing. Continue reading Reflection of four different needs
My wife’s vanilla gf was over this weekend, which was exciting. She knows about our lifestyle and I enjoy seeing how far I can push the context of sex. She is a bit of a prude so it is fun to see reactions from her. Although I didn’t have much time visit on Saturday evening since I was out. From what Krystalla said they had a good conversation. Mostly about sex, her sex life and other topics in that area. Kind of wish I was around for that but doubt she would have told Krystalla anything with me around.
Well I have started talking to a girl on OkCupid. Been a few weeks, and nothing major happened in our discussions. Continue reading Weekend has been a blur
Distance has been my major nemesis of late. Well distance is always a problem to be fair. Our quad is separated by 500 km (310 miles) so our visits are scheduled in advance. Sometimes months in advance. Add in family functions, birthdays, and other events and you can see that weekends become few and far between. So this alone makes our visits more important since we see them once a month if we are lucky. Although there are some months were it is more.
We meet our couple on a meet up in Niagara Falls just shy of two years ago. At that meet up we also wanted to meet another couple. As things worked out some 10 months later we had them over with our quad and it went very well. Everyone got along and things just seemed to easy and relaxed. Unfortunately, like our quad, real life got in the way and we haven’t seen them since New Years 2013 so it is way overdue. Not to mention that they are about 250 km away. Starting to see a theme here?
Another couple that we meet through twitter is also starting to look at being back in cycle. Granted they are less than 100 km but not right around the corner. Family was there focus for the past little while but now that they are looking to enter the lifestyle again. It will be interesting to see where it goes. Heck my one fwb is about the same distance and seeing her is just has hard since family life is priority. Visits with here are like once every six months.
This leaves trying to schedule dates to meet, not just for sex, complicated. Leaving time with our quad, and our other couples makes scheduling difficult. This weekend we were invited to a meet up. Head out to a club and just have fun, sexy or not. Unfortunately we had plans, so we can’t make it. It does suck that plans don’t work out, and this was a bit last minute. Still meeting our friends for fun times, at least this year, has been very hit and miss.
My goal for 2015 is to see our friends more regularly. It will take more effort, and some luck most likely. Sex is great, but we are not in it just for the sex. We can be open and not have to hide anything around these couples. That is a great relief since being confined by the rules of normal etiquette with other friends can sometimes be frustrating. Freedom to speak freely is so much easier. So with that in mind, and I knew a few couples read my blog, keep this in mind for 2015.
As for the distance, it will be a constant factor for us. Time and energy will be spent in making sure we stay in contact with our good friends. Looking forward to 2015 I think it will be a fun year, since rumour is that we might be starting it off with a trip down south. More on that later. 😉
This year has been pretty good for not getting sick. Our quad has been healthy for majority of the year. This weekend we will be meeting up at a hotel and by chance Krystalla gets a cold over the weekend. Hopefully she will get back to healthy by Friday but that leaves me isolated. Why? Friday is my Christmas party and I want to be able to make it. I need to do some networking for my job and this is a great time to do it.
So I have to keep my distance from her which sucks. Last few days I have had urges and since she is sick I am not able to get closer to her. And she is not in the mood as she is grumpy and tired. That leaves my fwb as an option and this will likely not happen. There is also the guilt. If I do by chance hook up with fwb I can’t really connect with her after. I know she doesn’t mind that I get lucky but I still will feel a bit guilty. Basically damn if I do or don’t.
Now if I get sick I really have no interest in sex. Krystalla knows when I am feeling better when I start throwing out “blow mes”. Surprisingly she is horny during the cold, which is funny since she usually has no interest in sex either. This is a weird cold, since it seems to be just sitting in sinus’s and that is about it. With Christmas around the corner I really don’t want either of us sick for our holidays.
The other side of the coin is that I am working late pretty much mast month every night. And with her sick I really can’t help at home with me working. Adds more stress since I am a bit torn on being home or making OT. She has been dealing with everything at home in the evenings for past few months, and with December hopefully being the last month of OT I am looking forward to getting back to routine. Hopefully things go back to normal schedule with a healthy wife, but with the weather being so odd this winter who knows.
This based loosely on real events. I have changed any names or places to protect the people who are in this story. This contains sexually explicit content so please stop reading if you are under the appropriate age for where you live. For those of you who are old enough enjoy!!!
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Continue reading Directions to sex
If you haven’t seen my earlier posts regarding me searching again for new meat then you can review here and here. It has been an interesting challenge and I need to provide an update as to how it is going. The short answer is painful. Continue reading Connection is harder to find