I always let the woman know that benefits are a bonus. Sure, I wish it can happen more but timing and life is a factor. The other side of the coin is how relationships change. Again I have lost benefits from one of my good friends. It is funny how things happen and even over the year I have known her I should at least be used to it. I’m not.
Not like we see each other every week. Or have sex every time we are together. The change from FWB to just friends is an adjustment. Much like my wife meeting a new guy or exploring a new kink. My adjustment is simple enough most times. I think the reason I find it hard with losing benefits is that finding compatible women which are local just doesn’t happen easily.
Women have an easier time, although not by choice, in finding new people. Having discussed this numerous times on the ease woman have in getting responses either wanted or not.. Hearing my wife telling me about the idiots that hit on her makes me cringe some days. I don’t understand how they expect to get a woman if they think that cheesy pick up lines or being an ass will get them to talk. Over the past few months I have stopped looking, until Cuba, which I have now dabbled a few times on the sites again. And my results are the same. No responses. Black hole. Familiar effort with no results. And after a few days I remember why I found this so hard to do.
Yes I am complaining. Not that I want too but I am allowed. I have talked to all my women over past year and have helped them with their issues or concerns. I think I am allowed to complain once in a while. And to be clear I haven’t lost a friend. Just the benefits that we have worked out over the past few weeks. She is sorry about it and I am happy for her. She has a potential new serious relationship which she deserves. I think it is how quickly it happens which makes it a bit hard to take.
After the past weekend I met some amazing people. All in the lifestyle, well 99% were, and it made me think that meeting like-minded people would be somewhat easier. All of us were on the same page. No expectations. If something happens great, which nothing did, but it was freeing. I could behave as I wanted, with respect, and have fun. I was on that high for a few days after too. So maybe I start to focus on those.
I do love the hunt. Although the hunt usually requires prey and on the dating sites there just doesn’t seem to be any. Well none that want to engage in conversation. Understanding that majority of the women are getting bombarded with messages. Finding mine in the sea of sharks is not always easy. One main reason why I have moved away from the dating sites and apps. It just was not worth the effort putting in to come out with nothing. It is a good time waster, much like the free games on your phone. Dating sites are the same if you are a man. Play till you get frustrated with no actual end results.
With that said I do have my current fwb that I can lean on. Being active with them over the past week or so has helped. Hopefully I can make some plans with them to see them. Who knows maybe sex will happen, or a good time out. Thinking about what I can’t have is not going to make anything better. Friends first that is the key rule. Bonus is a bonus, you might get it but just don’t expect it.